Out of Pocket

Why do women’s clothes fail to have pockets?  I haven’t worn them in a while, mind you, but I remember when I did that I was always very frustrated with the lack of pockets.  Last night, I wore a suit jacket (velvet) that had no less than six – count ‘em, six – pockets.  Fully functional pockets.  One of the pockets even had a little mini pocket inside it.  There are inside pockets, some with special button closures, outside pockets, with and without flaps, and standard breast pockets.  If I were to buy most women’s suit jackets – also known as a “blazer” – there would be at best two pockets (on the outside front, where no one really wants to keep anything anyway).  And sometimes those two measly outside pockets would be fake – just “for show!”  What the hell?!?

If there are no pockets, where are women supposed to carry all of their stuff?  Fanny pack?  Surely not.  Backpack or briefcase?  Maybe.  More likely, though, a woman has to carry a purse if there are no pockets.  Is that really a good option?  Better than pockets?  I don’t think so – at least, not for me.

I have never wanted to carry a purse, but, yes, there was a time when I did.  I know you might be thinking, “Butch, you carried a purse!?!”  Yes, it is true, dear readers, that I did once clothe myself entirely in women’s clothes and yes, I did occasionally carry a purse.  [*Gasp!*]  There were no pockets.  What was I to do?  Suffice it to say that this was a very, very long time ago.  Long before I became comfortable with who I am.  Before I embraced my butchness.  Back when I dressed well, but always looked awkward.  Back when I wore full on skirt suits, makeup, heels, and pearls (shudder).  To appear in court, mind you.  And, do you know what?  People still called me “Sir” routinely.  So, it is not about the clothes.  The clothes really do not make the man.  Thank you, Mr. George Michael, for saying that so well.

Back in those days, I carried a purse when I could not get away with carrying a briefcase.  I was fine with it back then, because I did not really realize that there was an alternative.  I did not think I was in drag. Rather, I just thought that I needed to be uncomfortable in order to fit it.  I could relax and be myself on the weekends.  Times and Butch, have changed.  Now I know that I can be appropriate almost entirely in men’s clothing.  And, now, I have all the pockets in the world.  An embarrassment of riches when it comes to pockets.  And that has me thinking…

What is it with women’s clothes and pockets?  Do women not need pockets?  You all carry a whole crapload of stuff around.  Couldn’t some of those things fit into pockets?  Would you like to have pockets in your clothes?  Not those silly, slit pockets that are just for show.  Actual pockets that you can, as my gorgeous fiancé would say, put a tube of lipstick in?  Why don’t designers put pockets on your clothes?

As it is now, I carry most of my fiancé’s stuff.  I don’t wear cargo shorts like I used to – they are out, in case you did not get the memo – but I always have more pockets than she does in my jeans, jacket, etc.  If we are going out and she is carrying a purse, mind you, I am always happy to unload my pockets into her bag.  But, if it is just a normal trip out of the house, you can bet that I will be carrying the keys, sometimes her wallet, and whatever else I can.  I am happy to do it.  It is very butch to carry her stuff. I don’t care if her wallet makes my butt look big – I already have a big wallet and an iPhone stuffed into my own rear pockets.

Harkens me back to days when little boys and butches (if they were lucky enough to get that they were butches at that tender age) would carry the books of their girlfriends and femmes (of course they did not know they were femmes, either at this age).  I want to carry her books.  I wish I could have been around to do that for her, but I wasn’t.  So, the least I can do is carry her keys, wallet, and lipstick.

I bet your girl does not have enough pockets.  Am I right?  So, step in and fix the designers’ fail.  Carry that shit!

It’s butch to carry your girl’s stuff.  Be butch.