Tiny Dogs, Gentle Giants

As we know, butches relate to the world slightly differently than femmes. For example, my male friends routinely slap or punch me on the shoulder. Fist bumps are routine. “What’s up, man?” I’m asked regularly. This NEVER happens to my gorgeous fiancé. It got me thinking about other things that I hear – either from her or from others – that she would not hear. Here are a handful that I have experienced.

1. “Sir.”

Maybe an obvious one, but I can’t really skip over it. Say it with any inflection you like: “Sir!” “Sir?” “Sir…” Femmes do not hear this. Straight women – for the most part – do not hear this, but I would wager a bet that most butches hear this – frequently. It happens to me at least once a week. I have written about this a decent amount. You get the picture by now.

2. “Baby you have to be more secure in your butchness so we can have a small dog.”

This was a very funny one and it went like this. I love big dogs, the bigger and fluffier, the better. My gorgeous fiancé likes little dogs – tiny ones even. I prefer big dogs for lots of reasons. One of those, a minor one, is how silly I think a butch looks walking a tiny dog. Obviously, that’s dumb and not a reason to choose or not choose a dog to rescue. I have hesitated, however, to agree to a small dog, and my hesitation generated the statement above. We will be getting a tiny dog…and a big dog, too. Hey, compromises make the world go round. Woof.

3. “When your muscles actually start showing, you are going to be such a pain.”

So, I have been on a serious mission to slim down and bulk up. I want less fat and more muscle. Little hints of muscle are starting to show – at least I think so. The other day, I put my arms around my girl and flexed my bicep. She looked slightly exasperated, because she has caught me flexing in the mirror when I thought she wasn’t looking, and made the above statement. I’ll need to be more subtle in my flexing from now on.

4. “Your Butchness”

My friend Jason called me this the other day, and I freakin loved it. I felt honored to have earned this name. It’s like the butch equivalent of “your honor” or “your highness.” I may have to print some business cards with this title.

5. “That’s where you draw the line? An undershirt?”

I bought some men’s dress shirts from Banana Republic and they were very, very thin. I tried the yellow shirt on (purchased to go with my cool blue and white pelican bow tie) and you could see through it. My gorgeous fiancé suggested that I wear an undershirt, to which I responded negatively.

An undershirt? YUCK. Why would I want to wear a men’s undershirt? I mean, when I think of a men’s undershirt, I think about this guy. Eeew. Why would I want to look like this guy?

She looked at me – standing there in my men’s jeans, men’s shirt, men’s shoes, men’s jewelry, and a bow tie – and said, “That’s where you draw the line, an undershirt?” I guess it is an odd place to draw the line. I have since gotten some nice, high quality undershirts, and I love them. They look nothing like the ones that Homer Simpson passes out in, dreaming of donuts and Duff Beer. Mmmm, donuts.

6. “This is the ladies room.”

Yes, I know, annoying stranger in the mall, restaurant or airport. Thank you for stating the absolutely and unnecessarily obvious. I am in the right place. Are you? Next.

7. “You really are a gentle giant.”

This is my favorite, from my gorgeous fiancé. Think of all that it conveys. I am big and strong like a giant. Plus, I am gentle as a lamb – actually, like a huge dog. When is the last time you saw a hyper Newfoundland, Great Dane, or Norwegian Wolfhound? I am the great protector. Heh.

Butches, what other things have you heard that you would add to this list?

I love it when people find a way to reference my butchness, good or bad. It reminds me that butches are a special breed who get to experience and hear things that very few other women experience and hear. This is part of what makes us special. Hey – it’s butch to wear an undershirt into the ladies’ room while walking a tiny dog. Be butch.

About Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

I am a butch. This blog is about what I think. If you do not know what butch means, you are probably on the wrong blog. In the interests of inclusion, though, I can tell you that “butch” means a lesbian that is big, strong, tough, more macho, less girly. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules – which is an ongoing theme in my blog (and in the comments), but those are the basics. A butch will most likely not wear makeup. A butch is often referred to as “sir” by someone who is not paying attention. What else? I am, after all, not just a butch. I am happily married to the most amazing woman ever, and the mother of two fantastic kids. I am also a lover of, in no particular order, beer, bow ties, breasts, movies, hiking, bookstores, travel, dogs, geocaching, polar bears, the gym, music, gadgets, and more. By day, I am an intrepid corporate entertainment lawyer. Although I try hard not to be labeled as such – sporting a bleached Mohawk, for example. Think more entertainment and less corporate. By night, bring it all on! In my blog, I talk about things from a butch perspective, but this is not just for butches. We all love our femmes. Please do not let me offend femmes, mine in particular! If you like what you read here, I hope you will comment and let me know what you think. If you do not like what you read, well, what the hell do I care? Start your own blog. Be Butch. View all posts by Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

22 responses to “Tiny Dogs, Gentle Giants

  • Bejai

    Dear Your Butchness
    Spell check does not like that term while I LOVE it! Get after spell check so that they are more politically correct! I would suggest that there is also a list of crap that you don’t have to put up with! Chickee Babe, Who-Hoo, Hey Mama, what’s happening?, Wolf whistles, come to daddy (usually said by an old guy with a beer gut and nose hair, etc. I expect that each subgroup of women has a list. But we are all radiant and special in our own ways! Bejai


  • Kenda Smith

    I second the LMFAO on Bejai’s comment. There are many ‘cute frilly girl’ instances I’d trade for a ‘Sir!’ or two. But I did love this post. I really enjoy getting an inside glimpse and a different perspective on every day dealings. Not only does it help me understand, but it also helps me appreciate. (I prefer big dogs too. I think I’m a big dog in a little dog body….or something like that.)


  • Lauren Drabble

    Little dogs are a pain in the ass. You listed all good ones to have. I could NEVER own a little shit/napolean attitude dog. 😉


  • Annie

    Oh gentle giant! I love and miss you and all your butchness and your beautiful fiancé! Btw, when is she going to become your beautiful bride? I Really enjoy reading your blog. Btw, I still think I am pretty butch …for a femme! Maybe a little butcher than my “sporty femme”, er, “butch”!


    • ButchOnTap

      Annie, we miss you, too! As for wedding bells, those will have to wait until California gets its shit together and allows for us to be legally wed. I hope that people continue to see that it is about civil rights (thank you, NAACP!). Thanks for the shout out.

      As for you being butch. Hmmm, that is a whole topic of its own, I think. Let me ponder on that one and come up with a good post about feeling butch vs. being perceived as butch. And, I can devote several posts to the beloved “sporty femme.” Thanks for the ideas! =:o)


      • Georgette Del Rio

        I can’t wait to read what you come up with about feeling butch vs. being butch. Many of my friends tell me I am a butch or that I am more like a guy then a girl but if you looked at me you would never guess.


      • ButchOnTap

        Georgette, I am working on it now. Thanks for the spark! =:o)


  • pimmyjalmer

    Proud owner of a Yorkshire Terrier X Chihuahua, here (a Valentine’s Day present) . She’s a dapper doggie; we match our outfits! (tiny dogs, when in the right swag, are the perfect accessory!) Excellent post!


  • Nicole Martin

    Good one!!!



  • The Sacred Femme

    Haha, how brillant! My tomboi definitely encounters a thing or too on this list. I sent her the link, maybe it’ll provide some comedic relief to a thing or to that can be annoying or maybe even hurtful. Great read, even for a feminine chick who enjoys reading up on a bit of butch culture!


  • Creg Oosterhart

    as originally intended, an undershirt is a vehicle for the proper drape of the over shirt. Dress shirts hang off the body much better, look neater, and keep the outer shirt better tucked and intact. When a “GentleButch” man is properly attired…it is a good thing!


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