Just Another Lesbian

This morning I was dropping my kids off at school when I realized something. While walking back to my car, I saw myself through another mom’s eyes. I inhaled sharply as I realized that this morning, I look like just another lesbian. Meaning, stereotypically boyish/sloppy/casual.

I spend a fair amount of time talking about style and fashion, and challenging us butches to step it up a notch. Accordingly, I must turn myself in when I break all those rules, err, guidelines that I normally advocate.

Let me break it down, bottom to top:

1. Brown leather flip flops, by Reef. Bottle openers in the soles, natch.

2. Blue cotton cargo shorts, by Old Navy.

3. Grey t-shirt, slightly too big, untucked, by Life Is Good. Shudder. The cartoon on this gem is a tailgating Jake with a Jeep and a football. Add a rainbow flag to the Jeep and the football, and it’s a trifecta of the dyke stereotype.

4. Grey baseball cap covering up the morning flat mohawk, by Black Clover (albeit a strong hat worn stylishly askew).

5. No jewelry. No belt. No flair of any kind to tie it all together.

Yuck! Everything basically matches, of course, but the overall look? Not good. This is the lesbian equivalent of the straight mom dropping her kids off at school in her PJs. If you’ve ever dropped kids off, you have seen her. No makeup (or smeared eyeliner from the night before), hair in a scrunchy, PJ bottoms, tank top (probably pink), Uggs, and a Starbucks. Right?

For me, today’s outfit equals sweatpants, which I never leave the house in. Comfy, easy, practical, lazy. The furthest thing from stylish. Yes, sadly, today I contributed to the lesbian stereotype. I guess it happens sometimes.

But don’t worry – when I go out for drinks tonight, I will represent!

It’s butch to hold yourself accountable for how you look – even early in the morning. Be butch.

About Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

I am a butch. This blog is about what I think. If you do not know what butch means, you are probably on the wrong blog. In the interests of inclusion, though, I can tell you that “butch” means a lesbian that is big, strong, tough, more macho, less girly. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules – which is an ongoing theme in my blog (and in the comments), but those are the basics. A butch will most likely not wear makeup. A butch is often referred to as “sir” by someone who is not paying attention. What else? I am, after all, not just a butch. I am happily married to the most amazing woman ever, and the mother of two fantastic kids. I am also a lover of, in no particular order, beer, bow ties, breasts, movies, hiking, bookstores, travel, dogs, geocaching, polar bears, the gym, music, gadgets, and more. By day, I am an intrepid corporate entertainment lawyer. Although I try hard not to be labeled as such – sporting a bleached Mohawk, for example. Think more entertainment and less corporate. By night, bring it all on! In my blog, I talk about things from a butch perspective, but this is not just for butches. We all love our femmes. Please do not let me offend femmes, mine in particular! If you like what you read here, I hope you will comment and let me know what you think. If you do not like what you read, well, what the hell do I care? Start your own blog. Be Butch. View all posts by Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

8 responses to “Just Another Lesbian

  • Bejai

    I agree that mornings are ROUGH. Its hard to be styling when your brain is still snuggled under the covers! Morning people scare me a little; how can they be so cheeerful at such an ungodly hour?! I go easy on myself: if my pants are zipped I count it a win. Go a little easier on yourself!


  • Dr. Wise

    You honestly make me laugh my ice tea out my nose! The best!! Keep em
    Coming!!!!! Xoxo


  • Fabulous Mommy

    As a mom of twins who are under a year old I reserve the right to wear my PJs 3 days in a row. I do however get dressed if I leave the house or am expecting visitors. I must admit 2012 has been less than stylish for me.


  • Maya

    Hmmmm.. . well, here is what I think: A Femme is a Femme, a Butch is Butch – no matter what we are doing, wearing, drinking or thinking!

    To think otherwise is to buy into the idea that Butch (or Femme for that matter) is some kind of affect – that a Butch is something you put on or take off at will, that if you are not doing/wearing/drinking/thinking certain things you are no longer Butch. . . but really, isn’t Butch just what you ARE? Is a man not a man if he wears a dress? He might look silly to our mainstream eyes, he might FEEL like an idiot in that dress, but you cant make him NOT what he is because of it. . .

    I think we are what we are no matter what the package says and we ALL have slouchy days. . . I say you are entitled to your PJ mornings or your JAL (just another lesbian) days. . . your guy with the pulled-up athletic socks days. . . whoever you are, whatever your slouch manifests as – we are all allowed to let go now and then AND BE FORGIVEN. .. because, hey, when we shine up, we shine up GOOD, right?

    Hey -I think its less about the outside of da package. . . make sure that each day, no matter what you present as, that you are FEELING AUTHENTICALLY YOURSELF. On the inside. I love a Butch done up right like any Femme does, but I have to say there is nothing as hot to me as when my Butch knows who she is and feels good about herself – cargo shorts, hat backwards, sweaty from the gym and a Life Is Good T has never gotten in the way of how deep she gets me when she is being who she is.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


Be Butch.


4 out of 5 dentists recommend this WordPress.com site

Dear Butch, ... Love, Femme

a little sound advice from one side of the spectrum to the other

A Femme in NYC

Adventures & Misadventures of a Butch/Stone Butch Loving Spaniard

A Boy and Her Dog

Traversing the Border between Butch and Transgender

Sudden Awareness

It's like I just awoke to find myself living someone else's life

P J Perryman Books

Sparkly Knickers

Dapper, Irish & Butch

Dapper- it's a state of mind.


single. queer. grrl.

Stories from life

cisgender, unlearning oppression, transgender, resistance, butch, femme, gendered space, women, women and police, women and hospitals, women and transphobia, genderism, transphobia, sexism, allies, coming out, gendered spaces, women and welfare, solidarity, barbara findlay, washrooms, women and psychiatry, still sane

Butch Ramblings

“I’m not wandering aimlessly, I am experiencing endlessly.”

Vulnerable Verbiage

Involving an uninhibited, workaholic, independent, femme lesbian. I let it all hang out in my blog house!! ENJOY!


Random. Snarky. (Not always) Funny.

Warped Rainbow

Pathos: It's not just for breakfast anymore


confessions of a 20's something urban butch with a yearning for the rural landscape

Dallas, home sweet home

Laurie's take on moving from Nashville to Dallas

%d bloggers like this: