There’s no way to butch up a minivan.
I’ve started thinking about a new car and so have been paying attention to things I would not normally pay attention to. The other day I saw an ad proudly announcing that the new mini-van from whomever “can accommodate 7!” Wow, they are super proud of that.
Now, first and foremost, I know plenty of people need big ass cars and SUVs. Of course. If you have a huge family, are a coach, whatever. Right? No problem. But, for me, and my family of 3, I do not need such a vehicle, and I am so pleased.
Best car ever.
Let me bring you back. About 9 years back. I was driving my favorite car I have ever had: a silver-gray BMW Z3 convertible. Damn that was a sexy car and so, so much fun to drive. Lots of heads turned when I drove around in that number. So, there I am with a dream of a sports car and my partner and I at the time were busy trying to have kids. I knew that I would have to get rid of that sexy little car at some point. No backseat, let alone a place for a car seat. But, I dreaded it.
To add insult to injury, we bought a minivan and I gave up my Z3. It wasnt my car, but still I had to trade in my little baby. Sigh. How trite, right? See, straight friends, we lesbians are JUST LIKE YOU! Same problems and hang ups.
I hated giving up that car.
Now, here I am ready for a new car and feeling a great deal of pressure to move away from the gas-guzzling combustion engine I have in my SUV and to right-size. I do not need to accommodate 7, but I still can’t have a sexy little Z. So, somewhere in the middle I will land. Being an active butch, I will no doubt end up with another SUV but hopefully a hybrid or at least one with high mpg. The polar bears are counting on me.
“It’s butch to decrease your carbon footprint. Be butch.”
If the sales guy tells me that the one I am looking at can accommodate 7, I will turn on my heel and walk out.
It’s not butch to drive a mini-van. Be butch.
About Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon
I am a butch. This blog is about what I think.
If you do not know what butch means, you are probably on the wrong blog. In the interests of inclusion, though, I can tell you that “butch” means a lesbian that is big, strong, tough, more macho, less girly. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules – which is an ongoing theme in my blog (and in the comments), but those are the basics. A butch will most likely not wear makeup. A butch is often referred to as “sir” by someone who is not paying attention.
What else? I am, after all, not just a butch. I am happily married to the most amazing woman ever, and the mother of two fantastic kids. I am also a lover of, in no particular order, beer, bow ties, breasts, movies, hiking, bookstores, travel, dogs, geocaching, polar bears, the gym, music, gadgets, and more. By day, I am an intrepid corporate entertainment lawyer. Although I try hard not to be labeled as such – sporting a bleached Mohawk, for example. Think more entertainment and less corporate. By night, bring it all on!
In my blog, I talk about things from a butch perspective, but this is not just for butches. We all love our femmes. Please do not let me offend femmes, mine in particular! If you like what you read here, I hope you will comment and let me know what you think. If you do not like what you read, well, what the hell do I care? Start your own blog.
Be Butch.
View all posts by Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon
ButchOnTap 
December 28th, 2012 at 10:44 AM
I can accommodate 7…and I didn’t want a minivan at first, but then we had the second baby and suddenly all the room, and the heated seats, and the DVD player were so deductive. Now I’m back to a family of three and I need a smaller car with 4 wheel drive for the occasional snow and foul weather, but since my baby girl died (in 2007) I can’t get past that tiny irrational part that reminds me that the van was the last vehicle that held that family. I split up with the kids’ dad and I have my son and gf, so giving up that van means letting go of the last piece of that life. Letting go is hard. 😦
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December 28th, 2012 at 1:42 PM
Well, GG, I would say those are some Class A extenuating circumstances and you should keep that minivan until the wheels fall off. I’m sorry to hear you lost your daughter. No words.
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December 28th, 2012 at 10:56 AM
YOU ARE SO RIGHT. NOTHING BUTCH ABOUT A MINIVAN.
Butch hug to you bro for thinking about your beloved polar bears when it comes to buying a new vehicle. I have wanted a Jeep wrangler ( uber Butch) since I was 12. Still don’t have one. My commitment to Mother Earth and animals won’t let me. Now if they get off their asses and make a hybrid Jeep, IM ON IT!
You Rock Butch!
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December 28th, 2012 at 1:43 PM
Kelly, HAHAHA! Thanks Bro! I love Jeeps. My first car was a Jeep – back when I was a baby dyke. Hella butch – although I didn’t know it then.
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December 28th, 2012 at 9:31 PM
UGH! When I was playing the role of housewife to my Ex-Hubby (butch). She had suggested us getting the Honda Odyessy. *GAG* I was like a …VAN!!! YUCK!! We had one kid! ONE! Who was not really into sports! And whatever sports we did have him in they did NOT require a van!
I was seriously looking into the Honda Elements. You’re an active boi..it might be perfect for you! SUV, awesome for camping or hitting the beach! And it’s Honda!! Gas saver! Great reliable vehicle!!
If you happen to get it in burnt orange I will be insanely jealous!!! 😉
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December 29th, 2012 at 6:43 PM
VV, thanks for the advice! I am active. Thinking about a MINI Countryman. Butch?
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December 29th, 2012 at 8:14 PM
MINIs are cute..too small for my liking 😉 Not a fan of being so low to the ground. I do live in Texas with the BIG trucks that will run ya off the road, though!!
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December 29th, 2012 at 9:11 PM
It’s the big one that I’m eyeing. A mini SUV…
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December 29th, 2012 at 9:27 PM
A big mini SUV?? Whew! I’m getting rusty on my car knowledge!! *heading over to google*
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December 29th, 2012 at 9:47 PM
Tell me if you think it’s butch. Having trouble imagining just another SUV.
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December 29th, 2012 at 9:52 PM
You want my opinion if something is Butch Enough?? That’s cute! Get it in grey!!! That dark graphite color!! YEA! 😀
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December 30th, 2012 at 12:52 AM
:o) might do a test drive in the am. If I’m not too hungover of course.
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December 29th, 2012 at 10:34 AM
Hey Butch,
Let me second what VV is saying. Maya drives an Element ( seems so appropriate for a mermaid) and it is quite awesome! It can hold a TON of stuff, either one or both of the back seats can be removed like its a transformer ( my mtn bike easily fits in back w/ one seat out) AND wait for it….you can hose the whole damn thing out! HELLA BUTCH! Honda sells a tent that comes out of back of it. Quite possibly a Femme designed this vehicle, it is that smart. Almost like a Jeep with a hard top on. Also, it is right sized and fits into compact spaces and super easy to parallel park.
So if you ever needed to rescue said polar bear friend, he would fit inside and clean up would be a breeze. ‘Nuff said.
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December 29th, 2012 at 6:44 PM
Kelly, I’m sold! Too bad that they’re not making them anymore. Argh.
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December 29th, 2012 at 12:03 PM
Once when my sister and I were going to Vegas, she arrived in Santa Cruz and we went to Hertz to pick up the rental car, and they said “there it is!” and the only think visible was a fucking FORD WINDSTAR. I said “no way am I driving into Vegas in a minivan, what else do you have?” and they said that was it (well, except for worse things like a Yugo or something) so we left. Love this column~
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December 29th, 2012 at 6:46 PM
Stephanie, ohh a Windstar. That’s one of the ugliest. Lol thinking of you hitting Vegas rolling in style!
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December 29th, 2012 at 12:04 PM
PS to VV: Honda Element discontinued…
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December 29th, 2012 at 6:46 PM
Boo. They are kind of cool.
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December 29th, 2012 at 8:09 PM
Sad to find out 😦
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December 29th, 2012 at 9:11 PM
VV, I’m wearing a burnt orange sweater in your honor. Does that help at all?
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December 29th, 2012 at 9:25 PM
Oh! Butch, honey!!! You’re too kind!! 🙂
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December 29th, 2012 at 9:46 PM
Always eager to please.
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December 29th, 2012 at 9:48 PM
You’re doing a fine job, Handsome 😉
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December 30th, 2012 at 12:51 AM
Looks down at sweater and blushes.
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December 30th, 2012 at 1:08 AM
😉
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December 29th, 2012 at 12:29 PM
Butch, Butch, Butch…. sigh. Seriously… two words. Subaru Forester.
It is butch to drive a Subaru. Be butch.
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December 29th, 2012 at 6:48 PM
Beth, hmmm. Do you like your Subaru? I will look into them.
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December 30th, 2012 at 10:20 AM
Best most versatile car ever. Perfect mix of utility dyke mobile, space, on and off road capabilities, comfort and it isn’t a guzzler.
We sold our Subaru because it was too old and got a Suzuki. Worst mistake ever. As soon as I start earning a salary we will get another one.
Biggest Subaru fan ever. Test drive one. You won’t ‘ve sorry.
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December 30th, 2012 at 11:36 AM
January 1st, 2013 at 6:51 AM
Hey Butch!
I’m gonna second that Subaru Forester – when I was researching vehicles, the SF came in at a close second after the Element for me (yes, all the things Kelly said about the E are true and Id buy another 2005 Element before a new ANYTHING again if I needed an other car – well, ok, maybe not if a Jeep got too close to me – I too have wanted a jeep since I was a kid. . . got driven to school in one by a cool neighbor and always coveted it). But the Forester is great – my mom had one (and this should not deter any butch – my mom was a short haired, tractor driving, tough guy – her fave vehicle was a mini backhoe. . .) and I drove it for a month while back east – in snow and on beaches and in the city. Decent cargo space, very solidly made, drives nicely, and like the E its almost-an-SUV but fits in parking better than the elephants – and its better for Polar Bears.
Hope you find a great vehicle – and remember, its how Butch a Butch FEELS IN HERSELF, not her vehicle, that gives her that je ne sais quoi we Femmes fall for, so pick the car you like, like who you are, and drive whateverthef you like best!
(Cant post a photo it seems – but here is a link to what I’d post if I could: http://www.walyou.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/world-tiniest-car1.jpg – incase it doesnt work: Its a teeeeeny panel van/truck – but kinda butch with the FLAMES on the side. . . :- )
HAPPY 2013!
Love,
Maya
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January 10th, 2013 at 11:19 PM
Maya,
I will drive “whateverthef” I want. And, that little car is hella cute! Thank you for your insight and sharing, as always. =:o)
Butch
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January 10th, 2013 at 7:54 PM
Butch,
Stand your ground! Stay way from the mini-vans. My partner and I have a Ford Windstar (worst vehicle ever!). I had to give in, between us we have 5 kids. Now four are grown and on their own or in college, so no need for the van anymore. Last year we needed a second car and I compromised and got an old Sidekick. Kinda like a baby jeep but not as kewl. It fullfills my butch needs to work on a car without all the computer crap. Good luck in your search.
TLQ
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January 10th, 2013 at 11:17 PM
Tammy,
Thank you! I feel your pain. With lots of kids, it’s really a must. No judgment there. I am not having any trouble resisting. I am so glad you stopped by and took the time to comment. Please stick around!
Butch
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January 16th, 2013 at 10:54 AM
[…] if I was a lovely, maternal looking femme. All soft and fluffy. Perhaps even driving a mini-van (shudder) or some sort of giant Tahoe and wearing a pink cashmere sweater. You know the kind of woman I am […]
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