Can Butches Be Moms?

As Mother’s Day approaches, I am left to ponder what it means to be a Mom (capital used here on purpose) and to be a Butch. Some people think these two concepts are anachronous. It always makes me laugh when people are surprised that I am a Mom. Or, I guess it is not that I am a Mom, but that I am the birth Mom of my kids. People have a hard time imagining me as a pregnant woman. Why would a Butch want to have kids? Huh? I’m sorry. Assuming that a Butch identifies as a woman (which is certainly not always the case), why is it that I wouldn’t want to have kids exactly?

Keep reading at Gay-SD.com. They carried this piece and you can find it here. It’s teased on the front page and carried on the back page (page 16). Happy Mothers’ Day!

About Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

I am a butch. This blog is about what I think. If you do not know what butch means, you are probably on the wrong blog. In the interests of inclusion, though, I can tell you that “butch” means a lesbian that is big, strong, tough, more macho, less girly. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules – which is an ongoing theme in my blog (and in the comments), but those are the basics. A butch will most likely not wear makeup. A butch is often referred to as “sir” by someone who is not paying attention. What else? I am, after all, not just a butch. I am happily married to the most amazing woman ever, and the mother of two fantastic kids. I am also a lover of, in no particular order, beer, bow ties, breasts, movies, hiking, bookstores, travel, dogs, geocaching, polar bears, the gym, music, gadgets, and more. By day, I am an intrepid corporate entertainment lawyer. Although I try hard not to be labeled as such – sporting a bleached Mohawk, for example. Think more entertainment and less corporate. By night, bring it all on! In my blog, I talk about things from a butch perspective, but this is not just for butches. We all love our femmes. Please do not let me offend femmes, mine in particular! If you like what you read here, I hope you will comment and let me know what you think. If you do not like what you read, well, what the hell do I care? Start your own blog. Be Butch. View all posts by Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

6 responses to “Can Butches Be Moms?

  • Jamie Ray

    My friend BC got “called out” of a ladies room when she was 7 months pregnant – she was wearing a pair of Levi 501’s that she had sewn a pregnancy panel in and a white oxford shirt. Sammy is 13 now and BC is the best butch Mom ever (OK, there are a lot of best butch Moms ever).

    Like

  • Samantha

    This is my first reply here (love your blog, by the way), but I just really felt compelled to respond to this post. I see nothing wrong with a butch being a Mom. I’m a femme, and I get the opposite criticism. I have people who just assume that I want to be a mother. They find it absolutely unfathomable that I would make a conscious choice not to have children. I have never wanted to be a mother, and I’ve known that from a very young age. I even very briefly dated a butch who was extremely demeaning and insulting to me when I told her that I never wanted to have kids. She told me that it was my duty and that I should view giving birth and raising a child as a privilege. It never once crossed her mind how insulting and sexist that kind of thinking is. It also apparently never crossed her mind that she has the exact same equipment that I do, so she could put her uterus to use if giving birth is such a privilege. Bottom line is people need to stop trying to put others into the little boxes that they think you should be in. Understand that we all are individuals, and accept people for who they are not for who you think they should be based on stereotypes.

    Like

  • lotusflower75

    This is my first reply here (love your blog, by the way), but I just really felt compelled to respond to this post. I see nothing wrong with a butch being a Mom. I’m a femme, and I get the opposite criticism. I have people who just assume that I want to be a mother. They find it absolutely unfathomable that I would make a conscious choice not to have children. I have never wanted to be a mother, and I’ve known that from a very young age. I even very briefly dated a butch who was extremely demeaning and insulting to me when I told her that I never wanted to have kids. She told me that it was my duty and that I should view giving birth and raising a child as a privilege. It never once crossed her mind how insulting and sexist that kind of thinking is. It also apparently never crossed her mind that she has the exact same equipment that I do, so she could put her uterus to use if giving birth is such a privilege. Bottom line is people need to stop trying to put others into the little boxes that they think you should be in. Understand that we all are individuals, and accept people for who they are not for who you think they should be based on stereotypes.

    Like

  • Holly

    I love being a BUTCH mom. Always have been.
    LOVED being pregnant! Felt BIG and STRONG!
    My daughter says that I am “the parent that she has always felt safest with” . Now she is 24 about to be 25.
    Her sweet boyfriend brought me a bottle of Bourbon the first time he came to my home.
    I think that we need to let all those *tired* old assumptions be put to rest…

    Like

  • Femme Fairy Godmother

    My butch has 2 children and she is the birth mom for both. She didn’t come out until she was in her 30s and it took her a little while after that to ease into her butch identity. I also have 2 butch friends who gave birth to their children because their femmes couldn’t. I think the part that people sometimes forget is that “butch” is still “woman” – at least some of the time.

    Like

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