My Own Happily Ever After Started Here, Two Years Ago Today

Two years ago today, my life changed forever.

Wanted Sign I suppose that is actually true every single day of our lives in the most strictest sense. But I don’t mean in the strict, rhetoric, philosophical sense. I mean in the something-huge-happens-that-changes-the-course-of-your-life sense. Two years ago today, I posted the piece “Wanted: Femme for Butch.” My therapist told me to write a list of what I wanted in my next relationship. Write it down, he said. It will help you get clear about the kind of woman you want to be with. I thought about it. And thought. And, then I started writing. And I wrote and wrote. It took me some time to get it posted, for a variety of reasons, but whatever the reasons, I posted it today (two years ago).

And then, a few weeks later, one of my fans shared a piece I wrote – not the Wanted piece, but a different/forgettable piece. My wife saw that piece on her friend’s wall and I think she was intrigued by my picture. This was before I “came out” as myself, and so it was a heat mapped version of me. Apparently, she liked what she saw enough to follow the link and read the forgettable piece. Even though she never reads blogs. Then she read another (better) piece, and it included a link to the Wanted piece. She followed the link and read my want ad. She was really affected by it, enough so that she left a comment. Even though she never leaves comments. Her comment was so genuine and honest. Shortly after that, she followed me on Twitter and I sButchOnTap Incognitoaw her picture, which was not heat mapped.

I don’t know if it was because of her comment, her picture (hot, hot, hot), or the fact that I was already set to take a trip to Scotland (where she lived) a few months later, but I reached out. We started talking. First on Twitter in 140 bite chunks, and then in email in much longer chunks. Then we talked on the phone. That led to Skype and we were sure we were both real people, lesbians who looked just like the pictures we had shared online (no catfishing). And we kept on talking, until one day I said, do you think maybe we should meet? In person? *gasp* And you know what? She did think we should meet. In person. A few weeks later, we made that happen. I’ve never been so nervous at the airport in my entire life. Three-piece suit, hair just so. Big bouquet of roses. You can’t text from the customs and immigration lines at the airport, so once someone goes in, it’s a crap shoot when they come popping out of the magical door. Out she came, and suddenly, there she was standing there in the United States in living color. *gulp*

I’ll skip the next bit, but feel free to add your own flourish.

I said in my piece that I wasn’t quite ready for the woman I was advertising for, but that if the Universe sent her my way, I would get ready. Well, it turns out that I knew myself pretty well. I wasn’t ready for her – for all the amazing awesomeness that is her – when the Universe sent her to me. But, I got ready. And, she was patient. And, now I am her wife. All because of the piece I wrote down and then sent out into the Universe. Like a message in a bottle thrown into the sea. “Come find me!” I called out across the social media ocean as I lovingly shoved my electronic message into the protective glass of my website.

Get clear on what you want. Then share it with the world in whatever way you share. I did that work to get clear, and then I Happily Ever After Starts Hereasked on this day. So, it feels like my life changed dramatically (for the better) two years ago. I set in motion the events that lead to me meeting the love of my life. Two years ago today, before I even met her, I moved one step closer on the path to my own happily ever after.

Thank you to my Femme for Butch. You are amazing and I am lucky enough to get to love you every day, and to have you return that love. It is Butch to know and ask for what you want. If you are lucky (#oneluckybutch), you will get it. Be Butch.

About Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

I am a butch. This blog is about what I think. If you do not know what butch means, you are probably on the wrong blog. In the interests of inclusion, though, I can tell you that “butch” means a lesbian that is big, strong, tough, more macho, less girly. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules – which is an ongoing theme in my blog (and in the comments), but those are the basics. A butch will most likely not wear makeup. A butch is often referred to as “sir” by someone who is not paying attention. What else? I am, after all, not just a butch. I am happily married to the most amazing woman ever, and the mother of two fantastic kids. I am also a lover of, in no particular order, beer, bow ties, breasts, movies, hiking, bookstores, travel, dogs, geocaching, polar bears, the gym, music, gadgets, and more. By day, I am an intrepid corporate entertainment lawyer. Although I try hard not to be labeled as such – sporting a bleached Mohawk, for example. Think more entertainment and less corporate. By night, bring it all on! In my blog, I talk about things from a butch perspective, but this is not just for butches. We all love our femmes. Please do not let me offend femmes, mine in particular! If you like what you read here, I hope you will comment and let me know what you think. If you do not like what you read, well, what the hell do I care? Start your own blog. Be Butch. View all posts by Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

5 responses to “My Own Happily Ever After Started Here, Two Years Ago Today

  • bejai

    Gosh, I melt at a good love story!


  • solargrrl

    Wonderful, wonderful blog. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is an inspiration, that’s for sure. This blog will be printed out to remind myself that if we ask the Universe for what we want, and we are clear about it, then it can very well happen. Especially if, as you say here, we make ourselves ready for it. Beautiful. Thank you for a great way to start the week. Happy Holidays to you and family.


  • antigravitybug

    Thank you for that! I love this reminder that in order to bring the love we want our way we need to: first know what we want, ask for it, expect it, and do the work on ourselves we need to be ready to accept it. Very inspirational! 🙂 Congratulations on your happily ever after.


  • Rita Melaniphy

    Awesome story 🙂 YOU guys should have a Lesbian Movie for Wolfe Video


  • Khai

    This just made me smile so big. ❤

    My fiancee and I will celebrate one year together in three days, and we started very similarly to how you and your wife started– long distance, because of blogs, then messages, then the phone, then Skype, then in person, and now living together. I couldn't imagine my life any other way, and I'm glad I don't have to.

    And I'm so, so happy for the two of you!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


Be Butch.


4 out of 5 dentists recommend this site

Dear Butch, ... Love, Femme

a little sound advice from one side of the spectrum to the other

A Femme in NYC

Adventures & Misadventures of a Butch/Stone Butch Loving Spaniard

A Boy and Her Dog

Traversing the Border between Butch and Transgender

Sudden Awareness

It's like I just awoke to find myself living someone else's life

P J Perryman Books

Sparkly Knickers

Dapper, Irish & Butch

Dapper- it's a state of mind.


single. queer. grrl.

Stories from life

cisgender, unlearning oppression, transgender, resistance, butch, femme, gendered space, women, women and police, women and hospitals, women and transphobia, genderism, transphobia, sexism, allies, coming out, gendered spaces, women and welfare, solidarity, barbara findlay, washrooms, women and psychiatry, still sane

Butch Ramblings

“I’m not wandering aimlessly, I am experiencing endlessly.”

Vulnerable Verbiage

Involving an uninhibited, workaholic, independent, femme lesbian. I let it all hang out in my blog house!! ENJOY!


Random. Snarky. (Not always) Funny.

Warped Rainbow

Pathos: It's not just for breakfast anymore


confessions of a 20's something urban butch with a yearning for the rural landscape

Dallas, home sweet home

Laurie's take on moving from Nashville to Dallas

%d bloggers like this: