Category Archives: blogging

Cheddar Cheese Sticks

 
My wife is working on her PhD. She’s been researching, thinking, collecting, sampling, measuring, and writing for several years now. We are in the home stretch. Seriously. But it doesn’t feel like that to her. To my wife, she’s miles away from the end. And no wonder.

The whole process is miserable and demoralizing. By its very nature, a PhD requires you to answer a question that no one else in the world has answered. That means no one can really tell you if you are right, or what’s next. You are meant to advance science. But the process is brutal. You write about what you did and also what you didn’t do, what you did wrong, and what others can/should do different or better than you. No wonder she’s questioning her intellect. Why didn’t I do it this way from the start? So, it stands to reason that my wife is umm … stressed.

I know it. I see it. But, this morning brought a new level of understanding. I was feeling frisky. Very frisky. My wife, not so much. She basically said “fine.” What a turn on, right? I joked that maybe she shouldn’t talk, to which she wryly responded a moment later by suggesting we go over our shopping list. We laughed and then in a sultry voice she cooed, “Cheddar cheese sticks…”

We began to giggle. Then more robustly. Soon, she was laughing so hard she was crying. Then she was only crying. And apologizing. Poor baby. I held her until she was all cried out. Afterwards, we both felt better – more connected, comforted, though not quite satisfied. I’ll never understand the level of her stress, but I can understand the emotions that I see. My job now is to build her up. To tell her that the questions she’s asking herself about her work don’t apply to her – not to her intellect, her worth, or her self.

It’s Butch to build up your partner – PhD or not. Be Butch. 


Stylish 100

I am honored to have been selected as one of the Stylish 100 by DapperQ. What a great compliment! Check out the list here (http://www.dapperq.com/2015/06/100-most-stylish-dapperqs-2015/). 

It’s Butch to be recognized for being yourself. Be Butch. 


World Oceans Day: 5 Things You Can Do Today

Started in 1992 and officially recognized by the UN in 2008, June 8 is World Oceans Day. The Ocean Project is one of the leading organizations advancing the day. You can read more at either site.

Here’s 5 easy things you can do today to help protect the oceans:

1. Skip the straw and lid. Reusable cups and straws are best, but no one is perfect. Straws and lids don’t degrade. They are floating around our oceans. They get eaten or inhaled by sea life. Plastic is bad for sea life.

2. Don’t use products with micro-beads in them. Face scrubs and body washes with micro-beads are bad for the ocean because the beads are plastic. They don’t degrade. Down your drain they go, out to the ocean, eaten by the fish, and then back on your plate. Yum!

3. Properly dispose of your medications. The toilet or drain is not proper. It’s bad for our water supply and makes fish sick. Ask your pharmacy how to do it correctly.

4. Express yourself with rad reusable grocery bags. Let the store keep those plastic demons. My current bags are Avengers characters – Iron Man, Black Widow, The Hulk, and then the whole crew.

5. Don’t litter. Duh.  Everyone knows that. In addition, if you see a piece of trash, pick it up. You might be keeping it out of the ocean.

Maybe go to the beach today. Take a deep breath and look out at the expanse of mesmerizing water you see. It is a wonderful reminder of just how small we are.

The oceans don’t need us, but we sure do need the oceans. It is Butch to take care of our oceans. Be Butch.


YES!

The votes are in. Recounts have been called for. Unscrupulous polling practices and redistricting have been dealt with. And the voting is final.

Not really, of course, but the votes are final. ButchWonders published the list of the Top 25 Most Powerful Butches as nominated and voted upon by her readers. As she explains in her post, its actually the Top 20. And, guess what?

I am indeed a powerful butch. Number 19, to be exact. Though my wife and kids would probably rank me closer to 3 or 4 (after kd lang and Ellen, natch).

I mean! Come on! I am on a list of women that includes Rachel Maddow, Ellen DeGeneres, kd lang, Lea Delaria, Ivan Coyote, Billie Jean King, and Martina Navratilova (just to name a few). I am delighted. Thank you all who voted. Seriously, no jokes. I am really excited. Thank you.

Be Butch. I certainly will keep doing so.


Is ButchOnTap one of the 25 Most Powerful Butches in America?

What does it mean to be one of the most powerful Butches in America?

Does it mean that women won’t freak out when I walk in the correct restroom? Does it mean that my friends will stop wondering why I don’t just dress a little more feminine if it’s so irritating? Does it mean that people at restaurants, coffee shops, drug stores, service counters, auto shops, and on planes will stop calling me “Sir”? Does it mean that I will magically have tons of customized clothing options when I walk into any of the shops I frequent? Does it mean that I will stop frustrating the occasional gay man who thought I was a man to hit on? Does it mean that I will have all of the book publishing world and Hollywood open to me to do some creating on a big scale?

Does it mean my amazing and stunning wife will love me more? Does it mean my kids will think I am any cooler? Does it mean my puppy will stop having accidents in the house? Does it mean my cat allergies will suddenly vanish? Will it reduce my cable guy service window?

The answer to all of these questions is a resounding and huge No. But, it would be hella cool.

When ButchWonders posted the poll this morning and invited the world to vote for the 25 Most Powerful Butches in America, I was excited. What a cool thing to see all those Butches (and in some cases, perceived Butches) listed. I mean, there are lots of us! Butches aren’t disappearing! And even better, we are starting to achieve more visibility. More visibility means more mental health. More comfort in daily life. More acceptance. It means kids can figure out they are Butch younger. Less stress. Less anxiety. Less why don’t I fit? Less badly dressed lesbians! (You are a Butch, feel free to shop in either the men’s or women’s department.)

I was also excited to be listed. Heh. But I got tripped up on whether I could ask y’all to vote for me. If I was powerful, wouldn’t everyone vote without being asked? Doesn’t it diminish it if I run around asking for votes?

Again, I think the answer is No.

I’ve done pretty well in life by asking for what I want. After all, I want to be powerful. With power comes the ability to change things. To get things done. With power, people are more likely to take your calls, listen to you. Isn’t it my responsibility to claim that power then? To take steps towards what I want? To help carry the banner for Butches everywhere?

I hope so. Please vote for me. You can vote for 10 of the people listed, so it’s not like I have to be the most powerful Butch you know… Just in your top 10. The poll closes Friday, so vote quickly.

I’ll still Be Butch regardless of the outcome of the poll. Making it won’t make me more Butch, nor will not making it mean I am less Butch. But, it’s Butch to ask for what you want. Vote for me and Be Butch with me.


14 Problems Only Butches and Femmes Who Love Them Understand

Today, I read a great list of problems only Butch lesbians understand. I laughed out loud. Many of you also enjoyed the list, judging by the plethora of comments. The author captured many of my Butch problems, but I couldn’t help myself. I thought of a few more. And, as a Butch who loves Femmes, mine are a little different.

So, go read Lane Moore’s post in Cosmopolitan – of all places – and then please see my humble additions below. 


1. Drink Umbrellas. You really want a mixed drink (rather than beer) but are afraid of what will come in or on your drink.
 
2. Parent Night at School. When your kid’s classmates ask if you are the mom “because you look more like the dad.”
 
3. She Looks Better In Your Clothes Than You Do. Actually, never mind.

 
4. Suitcases at Airports. You want to carry your bag and hers, but it’s a little too awkward. Plus, there’s the whole caveman stereotype.
 
5. That’s My Job. A cool new piece of furniture or technology gets delivered and you’re looking forward to putting it together when your girl grabs a boxcutter and is excited to get started.
 
6. When Your Mom Says You Look “So Pretty.” Or should I say “handsome”? Oh, honey, you know what I mean. (I do, Mom. 😜)
 
7. Getting Dressed. In anything other than casual attire. Until you decide the men’s section isn’t off limits, anyway.
 
8. Giant Boobs. Seriously. Why is it is #Butches seem to have the biggest racks? Girls would pay good money for racks like ours. Also, see number 6.
 
9. Tiffany. Betty Sue. Rebecca. Did you ever notice the Butches in your life have the girliest names? It’s so unfair.
 
10. Engagement Rings. You’ve bought her one. She said yes! Wait, why don’t you have a ring? Aren’t you excited? Well, I am, but I don’t want that big diamond hanging off my finger. What a hazard!
 
11. Manicures. Cut or file?, the lady asks. Cut. How short? Really short. Immediately conversation in another language happens. Followed by laughter.
 
12. You Miss The Pre-Lipstick Kiss. Your wife put her lipstick on and you missed your kiss. It’s going to be a long night before you get another chance.
 
13. Selfies. Hers are coy, playful, and sexy. Yours look like these.
 
Sigh. And here’s one more, special for me.
 
14. Butch or Bitch? When your wife is British and the two words sound a lot alike. What did she just call me?
 
It’s Butch to share lists of the funny things you experience as a Butch. Be Butch. 

BOT’s Box: Mail Call!

Check out this amazing mail call I had today…

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I received a stylish polo from Dapper D Fashions, a sassy postcard from Alpha Harlot, and this rad bow tie – skull and crossbones in wee Santa hats! I’m also particularly intrigued by a package I shall not describe just yet from Berman Innovations.

Thank you so much everybody!


The Pride of Chicago – Back Lot Bash

It was my great pleasure to hit the Back Lot Bash Music Festival on Saturday, June 28th in Andersonville, Chicago. You may have read the review and seen the photos I took from the opening Comedy Night (if not, here they are again).

On Saturday, my wife and I headed off to the festival armed with an umbrella – because my aunt is brilliant and prepared. We grabbed a quick bite at Lady Gregory next door. I was able to get in a Revolution Anti Hero American IPA and a Two Brothers Domaine DuPage Biere de Garde while we ate our brie and hearts of palm salad. As it was time to walk back to the festival, the sky opened up. Bravely, I trudged to our rental car to fetch the umbrella. Being from California, of course, it was possible that I might melt, but I shouldered on. I am glad I did.

We were the envy of the entire festival as we rolled in with our bright red umbrella. The attendees were so jealous! Anyway, the rain had thrown what you would think would be a real kink into things. The lesbians had scattered to the various tents and were huddled up together. Everyone was hoping it would pass quickly.

At this point, I saw the festival organizers, Christina Wiesmore and Amie Klujian. They were keeping it together – not what you might expect from the gurus of an outdoor festival during a downpour. Christina was drenched to the skin, but she had a big smile on her face. She must have been feeling some stress, but she did not let it show. It will pass, she chirped. I said, let’s have a wet t-shirt contest!
Kiyomi McCloskey, Hunter Valentine

Kiyomi McCloskey, Hunter Valentine

The storm did indeed pass, and the music continued. The evening was being emceed by Lauren Bedford Russell, who I interviewed a few months ago, and we arrived in time to see Hunter Valentine. I had the pleasure of interviewing Hunter’s lead Kiyomi McCloskey last year. The show was powerful and they rocked the festival – especially when Kiyomi crowd surfed. After Hunter Valentine closed their set, a popular local cover band Your Villain My Hero closed out the festival with song after song that kept the crowd dancing.

Check out all the shots I took here.


Lesbianland: The Dinah, Day 2

So where did we leave off? Oh yeah… Friday was a blast – we were drinking at the White Party. We did some dancing. And then we did a little drinking. You know, seeing and being seen. Or in our case, I was seeing and my wife was being seen. She looked amazing (obviously).

It’s hilarious to me how odd it is when she straps on those gorgeous heels. They are always high. And she’s not that much shorter than me. So in the heels, she’s got about an inch or two on me. Even if I stand up really straight. In dress shoes.

At first, it threw me. I like being bigger. You know, the butch. Care taker, protector. Bigger. But then, I realized… She looks unbelievably hot in those heels.

Yes, her legs for sure. But also, they change her attitude. Right? No heels, beautiful femme. Heels, beautiful power femme. Am I the only one who’s noticed this?

Now, don’t freak out and send me nasty notes about chauvinism and misogyny. Heels are evil. Designed by men to make women miserable and put them on display. Yes, I know. Don’t wear them. No one should ever have to. Period.

But, if you want to – cause that’s your thing – go right ahead. It’s your choice. I’ll happily validate your choice either way. Like I said, beautiful femme with or without. I can’t help the fact that high heels are very hot.

I was so pleased to be at The Dinah with my wife. I’m probably in danger of being gross about it. We are in that googly, cute (just this side of obnoxious) phase. So, I’m standing up straight and we were hanging out with two friends. After a late night drive-thru run, we made it home.

We’d made loose plans to meet for breakfast at Sherman’s the next day. I was doubtful, but held out hope. Sure enough, Saturday morning came along and we made it to a late meal as planned. While waiting for our table, I grabbed a quick photo op with a dog who had a Mohawk. Heh.

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I think this is when my wife said, “Baby, you should get pictures of all the Mohawks at The Dinah.” What a great idea!

So, as we headed to the pool party, I had a purpose. Find every lesbian there with a hawk and shoot a pic. I note that the ideal would be butches with hawks, but this would present several problems – identification and exclusion. You can’t identify a butch just by how they look, and if I limited it to butches, I’d exclude all kinds of rad hawks.

First, let me set the scene. Palm Springs is hot and dry. The pool at the Hilton is sparkly and blue. There are palm trees dotted about, lounge chairs, and several bars. Over in one corner is a giant stage and not one but two DJs are spinning and pumping up the crowd. The crowd is women. Lots and lots of women. In bathing suits. Bikinis. Board shorts. Lots of skin. Not that I noticed, of course. My wife had “suggested” it might be better if I did not oggle the women in bikinis. As a photographer, however, I did see my – erm – subjects.

Add to the heat, pool, bikinis, music, and palm trees, alcohol. And me. Cruising around taking pictures of all the hawks. And my wife. In sexy heels.

Here’s a fun tip: lesbians see a press pass and a camera (I’ve got a serious one) and they want you to take their picture. In all kinds of crazy poses! I’m taking these pictures and thinking, “Are you going to be excited about this picture tomorrow?” Suffice it to say, I got some fun photos.

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Right. Photos of lesbians with hawks. What fun I had! We’d spot a hawk and I jog over to the hawk-owner, explain that I’m ButchOnTap and “I’m doing a piece on Mohawks at Dinah. Can I take your picture?” Yes. Yes. Yeah. Of course. Rad. Really? Ok. And so forth. Only one woman said no – and I totally respect that. I got so many great pictures of butches, lesbians and femmes Rawking The Hawk! The photo journalistic piece will be up soon.

So far, two days out of two days and The Dinah rawks. For me, and my high-heeled wife.

It’s butch to highlight those that are Rawking The Hawk. Be Butch.


Lesbianland: The Dinah

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We woke up this morning fairly early – 9. Texted friends to see what was afoot for breakfast. Both of us are tired because we went to bed about 3:30, but there’s an impetus to get back to the fun.

Like when you go to Disneyland (or any theme park) and you are so tired of walking by like 1:00, but you have to see the whole park, ride everything, not miss anything! Well, being at The Dinah is kind of the lesbian version of that. It’s lesbian Disneyland. Lesbianland. And you want to see it all. Not miss anything. Ride everything (cough).

So we are back at it this am. Last night was rad. We arrived in time to get our press credentials (“creds”) before they closed down the table. Then we zipped off to grab a bite. That was a funny fail, however, as we misjudged our timing. Can you bring us our appetizers (all we ordered) in take out containers? After getting our creds, we ran out to the car and ate our appetizers in the street. 3 lesbians trying to down giant Italian meatballs with only one napkin and one fork. Then, into the fray.

It’s my first time working the red carpet as press. I have creds, so behind the red velvet rope we go, along the step and repeat. We cram in and wait for the lengthy list of celesbians (that’s celebrity lesbians) to arrive and smile for us. I have my big camera rig (which looks very professional) and my wife is my second shooter with a smaller camera (still a serious one, tho). The plan is: figure out the red carpet, don’t trip, get at least a few good shots to show y’all. And maybe talk to a few celebs.

We were on target – mostly. The press line was way more crowded than we expected and it was impossible to get a spot along the rope. I’m tall, so I tried to make it work. Holding the camera up with one arm is hard. Shooting over the woman’s bun in front of me was even harder. I did my level best though.

We got good shots – more than I expected. I didn’t trip. Batting a thousand. No interviews though. But then, my friend Fortune Feimster came right over to say hi and we had a chat. I was really happy – I look like real press!

After the press line, my wife and I went out to stash the heavy cameras. Then, we got a chance to meet Lauren Bedford Russell and Kiyomi McClosky in the VIP area (love those press creds!). Recall that I interviewed Kiyomi last year. Well, I interviewed Lauren just recently, but both interviews were on the phone. It was really nice to make the in person connection with two such genuine and cool women.

After that, it was into the party for some drinks and dancing. We ended up sitting outside for a bit, and having wonderful conversations with friends, old and new. This is my wife’s first time at The Dinah. So far, so good!

I’ll share about today and tonight later. We will make it through the day. We have to. It’s Lesbianland. We are going to see everything. Do everything. Ride everything – just as a figure of speech of course!

It’s butch to go to Lesbianland. Be Butch.