Category Archives: Comedy

Lea DeLaria: The “Bull Dyke Santa Claus”

[Originally published on Huffington Post March 18, 2016]

Lea DeLaria is busy. Sure, she is the most famous Butch on television – indeed, perhaps the only Butch that most of America knows. But did you know that she is also an extremely talented musician? Last year, she ran a successful campaign to raise money to record a tribute album to David Bowie — House of David (I have a signed poster on my wall). In addition to that, Lea also speaks at college campuses all across the country – at places like Allentown, PA, Asheville and Cullowhee, NC, Cincinnati, OH and San Bernardino, CA. Not exactly gay meccas.

I got to ask the Orange Is the New Black star a few questions, for the second time — call me one lucky fanbutch — about her upcoming Evening of Comedy and Music at The Dinah in Palm Springs in April. First there was a very sincere apology from Lea because she was late. It was a scheduling error and I was not at all irritated, but how nice is it that she cared and apologized? Then there was some witty banter, because, as you know, she is very funny. She is also very genuine and personable. She may or may not heckle me at her show, she explains, because she doesn’t usually heckle people she knows. Then again who knows? Lea says she never knows what she is going to say.

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Photo: Sophy Holland

Are you ready for Dinah and the thousands of lesbians excited to see you?

Oh Lord, Save me from thousands of lesbians.

Somehow, I think you can handle yourself.

I’ll be just fine, honey. I know how to handle the girls.

Have you ever performed at Dinah before?

Oh yeah, a bunch of times in the 90s.

I should have known that. In my defense, that was back when I was going for the golf.

You are the one going for golf! Honestly, every year that I was there working I would run in to like four girls who would say, “No, I am here for the golf.”

What are you looking forward to about Dinah this year?

Palm Springs. I love Palm Springs. Very much looking forward to seeing my buddy Taryn [Manning]. Kate [Moennig] will be there as well. So that’s always fun.

Will we see you out by the pool?

No, you are going to see me at the show and that is probably it. As much as I enjoy being “Bull Dyke Santa Claus.” My fiancée calls me “Bull Dyke Santa Claus” because just the sight of me makes people happy. We find that really funny and have adopted it. As much as I love being “Bull Dyke Santa Claus,” I am going to stay away and if you want to see me, you will have to pay for a ticket.

Did you have fun making House of David?

Hell yea. It was a fucking awesome experience all the way around.

The timing on the album was perfect.

If you mean by that that David died 6 months after I released the record…

Everyone was really upset when he died. Your album meant there was a whole new body of work that people could connect to and that was really powerful.

Huh… Yeah, I just sort of felt like I killed him. That’s probably because of my Catholic upbringing that I think I am responsible for everything, so I felt really responsible for that. I was devastated by his death. Really, really bummed me out for quite a long time. I still talk about it with disbelief. I am still one of those people who can’t quite believe it, but there it is.

Tell me about “A Man for All Seasons”

They hire me to lecture at universities and I go in and do a little talk(to the student body, and a Q&A and that, as they say, is that.

[I note that the current dates are in very small cities and ask how well she is received.]

I am incredibly well received. I am on a very, very, very popular television show. I don’t think those questions are as pertinent in the 21st century as they were in the 20th century. So, instead of thinking that they are in small towns, it is a university town. I am speaking at a university, to the student body. So, these are educated liberal universities or I wouldn’t be there in the first place. And it’s ridiculous for us to ghettoize ourselves and think of ourselves as only queer people. Yes, there is still a lot of stuff to work through and work to be done. But we have to recognize who our allies are and work with them. And they are in every university in the country – every liberal university.

Back to Dinah, what can we expect from your show?

There will definitely be music there. For those of you who only know me fromOrange Is the New Black, and let’s be fair, that may be a whole lot of the women at Dinah, they need to know that I am also a pretty accomplished stand-up comic as well as a jazz singer, and I incorporate those things into a show. I am incredibly improvisational. I will talk a lot about the election, but not like in a really heady way. More like the politicians can suck my big, black cock, which might be a little rough for some of these girls. As I said, I have been to Dinah before and there are a lot of big-haired lesbians, so I’ll see what is going on.

What can your fans look forward to from you?

The new season of Orange comes out on June 17. Season 4. I normally would insert some kind of crazy joke here, but instead I am just going to say that. That is really all I can talk about in terms of Orange. My calendar comes out once a month with whatever dates, whatever universities I am speaking at and where I might be doing House of David because I am starting to tour that out. There are a couple of big things coming down the pike that I am not yet at liberty to discuss. That is about it. I think that is enough for anybody isn’t it? It’s a lot of fucking shit.

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Yes, Lea. It is enough. I am exhausted just thinking about it. Catch Lea DeLaria at her show at Dinah on Saturday, April 2 at the Palm Springs Convention Center. Check Lea’s website to keep up with her – or at least you can try.

It is totally Butch to interview the most famous Butch there is. I am very excited to Be Butch!


And the Winner is…

Tonight, I drew the winner of The Dinah weekend pass giveaway. Check out the video as the drama unfolds. 

It’s Butch to enter contests with ButchOnTap. Thanks for Being Butch!


Win Tickets to The Dinah!

I’m excited to be able to run my first contest. And it’s not for a free CD or tshirt – not that I don’t love free CDs and tshirts. I mean, everyone loves a free tshirt. Just look how the crowd absolutely loses its (collective) mind when someone starts throwing tshirts from the stage. You’ll never wear it, but you are ready to kill for it. You know what I am talking about.

But no, this isn’t a tshirt. I get to give away two sets of Weekend Passes for The Dinah this year in Palm Springs! This contest is for the first set of Weekend Passes. I have another contest planned for the second set. Can you hear the dramatic music in the background? Anyway, how do you win these tickets?

All you have to do is post a picture of you all dressed up in your outfit for the Black Party on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram holding the ButchOnTap logo. Just print it out or if you are tech savvy, add it to your image (like mine below). You can get the logo here if you are a WordPress user, here for FB users, and here on Twitter. Sidenote: Isn’t my logo badass?

DinahByBOT

To recap…

1. Get dressed up and get a picture with the logo.

2. Share your picture with the world in one of 3 ways:

– Post it on the BOT Facebook page and use the hashtag #DinahByBOT

– Tweet the picture on Twitter tagging @ButchOnTap and use the hashtag #DinahByBOT

– Post the picture on Instagram tagging @ButchOnTap and use the hashtag #DinahByBOT

Bonus points –> If you do all 3, I’ll enter you 3 times.

Karma points –> Wear a bow tie and you’ll make me smile.

Get it up by Monday, February 8th (at midnight, says the lawyer). Oh, and you have to be 21, and get to the event yourself. This is just the tickets to get into the event. The winner will be picked by me at my sole discretion. Right. Ready? Go!

It’s Butch to get dressed up and compete for free tickets. Be Butch!


Butch: My New Permanent (marker) Tattoo

Tonight, while writing our Christmas cards, my wife got bored and started drawing on my arm with a pen. What did she write? “Butch,” of course. Just like Lea Delaria.

Now, I would never claim to be as Butch as Lea. Nor would I claim to be as talented a singer as Lea. I would never claim to be as funny as Lea. And obviously, I am nowhere near as famous as Lea.

But then, I have interviewed her. I have had drinks with her. I am taller than her. And, I do drink better beer than she does…  At any rate, I am a huge fan of Lea’s. She is one of my heroes. Really, only one of a very few Butches that I look up to. So, when I saw the tattoo that Lea has on her arm on my own arm, I of course said, “Grab the camera!”

The following ensued…

  

  And, because I feel ridiculous when I try to “look sexy” or even “look extra Butch” for that matter, so did this…


  
I may not be as Butch as Lea, but I am Butch enough for me. It’s Butch to proclaim your Butchness in whatever way you see fit. Be Butch.  


Why Scotland is the Butchest Country

Having just returned from my third trip to Bonnie Scotland, I am ready to declare Scotland to be the Butchest country in the world. Though I’ve not been to nearly all the countries, I have been to more than I can count on my two hands, so here goes…

  1. Unicorns, Fairies and Rainbows. The Unicorn is the national animal. Yes, the unicorn. Fairies, gnomes and elves also figure into legend. And, I’ve seen quite a few rainbows there.
  2. Nessie. The very real, very historic [imaginary] Loch Ness Monster is a beloved national symbol.
  3. Thistle. Thistle, which is a thorny weed, is the national flower.  
  4. Whisky. Whisky is the national drink. Enough said.
  5. Butch Sports. Scottish school kids play a kind of baseball with a very hard ball and no glove in a sharp-looking school uniform, which includes a tie for all kids. Have you caught a baseball lately? Even with a glove it sometimes stings. 
  6. More Butch Sports. Adults toss cabers (a big phone pole), boulders, and other very heavy or dangerous looking things for fun – while wearing kilts.
  7. Value on Farming. They built a bridge for tractors to cross the motorway – so farmers could plow fields on both sides of the road. Oh, and they have huge round hay bales. I am obsessed with these. It’s odd, I know.
  8. Rotaries. Confusing at first, rotaries are cool and very efficient. Plus, there’s a yellow light before the green on the traffic signals, which makes you feel like you are on a speedway.
  9. Higland Coos. Their cows are furry, with horns.  
  10. Old Stuff. That building over there on the corner is older than America, yeah that one – the market.
  11. Castles. Lots of castles – over 3,000 which means one about every 100 square miles.
  12. Brilliance. 11% of Nobel prize winners are Scottish and 61% of American Presidents are Scottish or Scottish-Irish. (Google it!)
  13. Kilts!
  14. Green. It’s an absolutely stunning country. Everywhere you look is beauty. And green, and water. Plus, they are way ahead of the US on being green (e.g., recycling is ubiquitous and you must pay for a bag everywhere).  
  15. My Wife. The people are ridiculously nice. My wife is from there and her family lives there.

Got any reasons to add? Want to tell me why your country is more Butch than Scotland? Go for it.

It’s very Butch to be Scottish, but if you can’t be Scottish, it’s Butch to marry a Scott. I did. Be Butch.


Are You A Lesbian?

WATCH: Top 10 Signs You Might Be A #Lesbian. Cameo by me! (I’m a lesbian.)

http://youtu.be/MdIEmxDtq1A

#thedinah #thedinah15 #thedinah25


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