Category Archives: fashion

Notes from 18C

Hi BOTs.

A few random thoughts for you as I sit in my seat on the plane. 

1. Couldn’t find a parking spot this morning. Being late and having to park closer to the airport isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Also, no one is leaving the airport at 6:30 am. 

2. Been called “sir” twice already. Yes, I am a big Butch wearing a bow tie, but it’s only inches above a giant chest (of boobs).

3. TSA was in full effect, making me pass through the imaging machine twice. I don’t have male parts and they can’t seem to get this.

4. The days of empty seats beside you on planes are gone. Unless you are a big Butch in a bow tie. Then, you frequently get an empty seat. Hahaha. 

5. People who need coffee are in a bit of a club. You can seriously bond over your latte. Especially when you had time to get one and 19C didn’t.

6. Carrying your wife’s license and credit card so she can forgo a bag for the day is gallant, but you should check your wallet before you leave for a few days. I’m sorry, Gorgeous.

7. Selena Gomez’s Hands to Myself is a really good song. “I mean I could, but why would I want to?”

8. I’m finding writing to be a bit of a challenge right now. I keep thinking of things to write about and then dismissing them. So, that means not much creativity making it to the page. 

Bear with me while I try to press through it?

It’s Butch to press on. Be Butch. 


Win Tickets to The Dinah!

I’m excited to be able to run my first contest. And it’s not for a free CD or tshirt – not that I don’t love free CDs and tshirts. I mean, everyone loves a free tshirt. Just look how the crowd absolutely loses its (collective) mind when someone starts throwing tshirts from the stage. You’ll never wear it, but you are ready to kill for it. You know what I am talking about.

But no, this isn’t a tshirt. I get to give away two sets of Weekend Passes for The Dinah this year in Palm Springs! This contest is for the first set of Weekend Passes. I have another contest planned for the second set. Can you hear the dramatic music in the background? Anyway, how do you win these tickets?

All you have to do is post a picture of you all dressed up in your outfit for the Black Party on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram holding the ButchOnTap logo. Just print it out or if you are tech savvy, add it to your image (like mine below). You can get the logo here if you are a WordPress user, here for FB users, and here on Twitter. Sidenote: Isn’t my logo badass?

DinahByBOT

To recap…

1. Get dressed up and get a picture with the logo.

2. Share your picture with the world in one of 3 ways:

– Post it on the BOT Facebook page and use the hashtag #DinahByBOT

– Tweet the picture on Twitter tagging @ButchOnTap and use the hashtag #DinahByBOT

– Post the picture on Instagram tagging @ButchOnTap and use the hashtag #DinahByBOT

Bonus points –> If you do all 3, I’ll enter you 3 times.

Karma points –> Wear a bow tie and you’ll make me smile.

Get it up by Monday, February 8th (at midnight, says the lawyer). Oh, and you have to be 21, and get to the event yourself. This is just the tickets to get into the event. The winner will be picked by me at my sole discretion. Right. Ready? Go!

It’s Butch to get dressed up and compete for free tickets. Be Butch!


Stylish 100

I am honored to have been selected as one of the Stylish 100 by DapperQ. What a great compliment! Check out the list here (http://www.dapperq.com/2015/06/100-most-stylish-dapperqs-2015/). 

It’s Butch to be recognized for being yourself. Be Butch. 


An Interview with Sofia: John Mayer Meets kd lang

I am reprinting on my blog from the Huffington Post.
/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/301/31342575/files/2014/12/img_2082.jpgI recently sat down with up-and-coming singer-songwriter Sofia. We had so much fun talking that I lost myself in a few places. What? I’m not a professional journalist. I am a butch lawyer who writes a blog, and I can count on one hand how many times I have actually sat down with another butch. What follows is (most of) our conversation.

Tell me about yourself.

I’m 23. Half-Venezuelan and half-Lebanese. I was raised in London and lived in Venezuela until I was 5, in Caracas, the capital. I am very passionate about cultures and mixing them. Cultures of the world. I am very much about peace. That’s what I was raised in. I want to promote peace. I’ve been into music my whole life. Started violin when I was 5, singing when I was 13. By the time I was 15, I was writing my own songs. My dad is literally the best guitarist I’ve ever known. [In high school I] went to the five-week program at Berklee College of Music in Boston. I was a songwriting major [at Berklee]. I’ve never been to California. I’d love to do a West Coast tour and hit all the places in California. I really want to play in New Orleans. I went there for the first time for BUKU Music + Art Fest. I went with my friend Avery, and it was like a mental-health trip. “Let’s go to NOLA and have fun!” We made friends with everyone — the waitresses at the beignet shop. I read that it’s the most dangerous city in the world, but I felt safe and comfortable there — more than anywhere in the U.S. I’m Venezuelan and Lebanese, so it takes a lot to scare me. It is really a blessing to have an English passport.

I sometimes feel it’s a curse to have an American passport, I’ll tell you!

But the U.S. is the center of the music world. Freedom of speech, protests. There is a huge international community at Berklee. Everyone is from somewhere else, but everyone wants to be in the U.S. And Boston, though it’s bloody cold, is amazing. When I was really sick, I didn’t think I was going to make it. I was stuck in Boston with my mom.

Please explain your struggles with Crohn’s.

I was at Berklee and had to withdraw from the semester because I started getting fevers every day. I was hospitalized a bunch of times in a couple of months. Three blood clots were found in my spleen because my immune system was so compromised, so I had to inject myself with blood thinners for about three months. Things escalated so much that I started to bleed internally and had to have like seven bags of blood in a week. I went back to school the next semester and somehow managed to graduate on time. It meant so much to me to be there at Berklee. I had a scholarship and was so grateful to be there, so I kept going even though it got really tough sometimes.

It was after I got sick when I wrote “Mum I Like a Girl.” I came in second in the “Songs for Social Change” competition, and it was the first time in my life I had ever won an award for a song I’d written. So in a sense it felt like I was overcoming my health battle with music.

I inject myself every two weeks with an immune suppressant called Humira. It saved my life. Crohn’s can be a really scary process; it’s almost like having cancer, but it’s not cancer. They use similar terminology: “in remission,” “no appetite,” “nausea.” And I have a high risk of cancer in the future. It’s really a crazy disease to have. I try to speak to my best friend Avery, who struggles worse than me, every day, and her experiences really gives me a lot of strength. It is hard to want to do anything and stay positive, but we do because we know that there are kids as young as 8 who get this. That’s why it’s important that we make it more accessible to talk about stomach problems and make it more comfortable to talk about food issues, including irritable bowel diseases. We would help a lot of people to feel more comfortable with the fact that there is nothing wrong with you. You just have a disease!

Who are your musical influences? Pretend I am from Rolling Stone.

I grew up listening to Eric Clapton and Bryan Adams. My mom loved to play Elvis and Harry Belafonte. Embarrassing albums too, like the Spice Girls. I love what Eric Clapton does because of his smoky element and yet his own stuff added. I went to school and decided, “I want to be just like John Mayer.”

Have you been compared to him?

Yes! … I like how emotional he is and how vulnerable he can be. I struggle with that when I am writing. I get writer’s block because I worry about being emotional. I am also a huge fan of Tegan and Sara, but I think I am late in the game. When I was in school, my mentor was Melissa Ferrick. Do you know her?

No.

She is a big advocate for LGBT musicians. Check her out; she is amazing.

Do you identify as a butch lesbian?

I do. I used to be very feminine. I used to have really long hair. I looked quite feminine. It took me a long time to feel comfortable dressing this way. I think Ellen is one of the coolest people in the world, and yes, I do want to dress like her. I do want to dress like Kate Moennig from The L Word. I don’t know if you know that lots of Venezuelan women have won the Miss World pageant. George Clooney just married a Lebanese woman.

Do you feel more pressure or scrutiny because you are Venezuelan and Lebanese?

Definitely. People say, “Gosh, you are so beautiful! Why would you dress this way?” I felt like I was in drag when I dressed like a woman is supposed to. But I get flattered when people call me “sir”! I secretly wanted to be more androgynous than I was. I get “sir’d” a lot more in the UK than in the U.S. Maybe because here we wear more skinny jeans. I didn’t expect that. But it’s amazing to come home to London and have people say to me, “You look like yourself now.”

Where do you see yourself this time next year?

Gosh, that is a really good question. I have absolutely no idea. I would love to be on tour. In just over a year, I will be releasing the next album. It usually takes about a year to get everything together. My goal right now is to get to play all over the world. I love to travel. I love different cultures. Music brings everyone together.

Do you have any pets that you will have to leave when you go on tour?

I have a dachshund, and her name is Cashmere. Ironic because we spell it like the fabric rather than the [place].

Like Adele?

I met her! And her dog! I worked at her label and had the chance to eat lunch with her. I’ve got a big crush on her.

Ready for the lightning round? Just one-word answers. No explanation needed. Blondes or brunettes?

That’s really really hard. Blondes.

Cake or pie?

Cake.

Boots or trainers?

Trainers.

Movies or television?

Movies. My favorite is A Beautiful Mind.

Snow or rain?

Rain.

Beer or whiskey?

Beer. Blue Moon, partially because of the song.

Bow tie or straight tie?

Bow tie. I do wear them and love them. Went to my first-ever gay wedding and wore one. Plus, I wore one to my graduation.

London or New York?

London.

Suits or dresses?

Suits.
You are adorable. People will want to know if you are in a relationship.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/301/31342575/files/2014/12/img_2081.jpgI am too young for a relationship right now. I want to have some fun. I always try to be a gentleman. … I say no to misogynistic butches. I don’t want to be the horrible power-controlling stereotype.

You don’t have to be, Sofia. There are plenty of butches who think like you do — like me! Don’t let a few opinions change who you are. If you are butch, be butch. You don’t have to let it be an excuse to embody the worst parts of male stereotypes.

I really enjoyed talking with Sofia, and I hope that she gets more exposure! Check out her music on iTunes and Spotify.

It’s seriously butch to be an out butch singer-songwriter. Be butch!


Lesbianland: The Dinah, Day 2

So where did we leave off? Oh yeah… Friday was a blast – we were drinking at the White Party. We did some dancing. And then we did a little drinking. You know, seeing and being seen. Or in our case, I was seeing and my wife was being seen. She looked amazing (obviously).

It’s hilarious to me how odd it is when she straps on those gorgeous heels. They are always high. And she’s not that much shorter than me. So in the heels, she’s got about an inch or two on me. Even if I stand up really straight. In dress shoes.

At first, it threw me. I like being bigger. You know, the butch. Care taker, protector. Bigger. But then, I realized… She looks unbelievably hot in those heels.

Yes, her legs for sure. But also, they change her attitude. Right? No heels, beautiful femme. Heels, beautiful power femme. Am I the only one who’s noticed this?

Now, don’t freak out and send me nasty notes about chauvinism and misogyny. Heels are evil. Designed by men to make women miserable and put them on display. Yes, I know. Don’t wear them. No one should ever have to. Period.

But, if you want to – cause that’s your thing – go right ahead. It’s your choice. I’ll happily validate your choice either way. Like I said, beautiful femme with or without. I can’t help the fact that high heels are very hot.

I was so pleased to be at The Dinah with my wife. I’m probably in danger of being gross about it. We are in that googly, cute (just this side of obnoxious) phase. So, I’m standing up straight and we were hanging out with two friends. After a late night drive-thru run, we made it home.

We’d made loose plans to meet for breakfast at Sherman’s the next day. I was doubtful, but held out hope. Sure enough, Saturday morning came along and we made it to a late meal as planned. While waiting for our table, I grabbed a quick photo op with a dog who had a Mohawk. Heh.

20140429-050944.jpg
I think this is when my wife said, “Baby, you should get pictures of all the Mohawks at The Dinah.” What a great idea!

So, as we headed to the pool party, I had a purpose. Find every lesbian there with a hawk and shoot a pic. I note that the ideal would be butches with hawks, but this would present several problems – identification and exclusion. You can’t identify a butch just by how they look, and if I limited it to butches, I’d exclude all kinds of rad hawks.

First, let me set the scene. Palm Springs is hot and dry. The pool at the Hilton is sparkly and blue. There are palm trees dotted about, lounge chairs, and several bars. Over in one corner is a giant stage and not one but two DJs are spinning and pumping up the crowd. The crowd is women. Lots and lots of women. In bathing suits. Bikinis. Board shorts. Lots of skin. Not that I noticed, of course. My wife had “suggested” it might be better if I did not oggle the women in bikinis. As a photographer, however, I did see my – erm – subjects.

Add to the heat, pool, bikinis, music, and palm trees, alcohol. And me. Cruising around taking pictures of all the hawks. And my wife. In sexy heels.

Here’s a fun tip: lesbians see a press pass and a camera (I’ve got a serious one) and they want you to take their picture. In all kinds of crazy poses! I’m taking these pictures and thinking, “Are you going to be excited about this picture tomorrow?” Suffice it to say, I got some fun photos.

20140429-051213.jpg
Right. Photos of lesbians with hawks. What fun I had! We’d spot a hawk and I jog over to the hawk-owner, explain that I’m ButchOnTap and “I’m doing a piece on Mohawks at Dinah. Can I take your picture?” Yes. Yes. Yeah. Of course. Rad. Really? Ok. And so forth. Only one woman said no – and I totally respect that. I got so many great pictures of butches, lesbians and femmes Rawking The Hawk! The photo journalistic piece will be up soon.

So far, two days out of two days and The Dinah rawks. For me, and my high-heeled wife.

It’s butch to highlight those that are Rawking The Hawk. Be Butch.


Why You Should Buy a Butch a Bow Tie for Valentine’s Day

I’m excited to share that I am now in print. Actual print. Like, you can pick it up and read my article in your hands. On paper. A local magazine called Gay San Diego asked me to write a Valentine’s Day piece. About bow ties. Turns out I am the Feature on page 3, and listed on the front page. Very exciting. For those of you not in SD, here is the digital copy…

Gay San Diego

As I’ve said before, it’s butch to wear a bow tie. Be Butch.

20140208-062600.jpg


What to Buy a Butch for the Holidays

(Notice the clever, but oh-so-subtle use of “Holidays” instead of any particular December religiously-identified festivity.)

Alright, so you just realized that your daughter is a butch. Or you have finally realized that your mom, who you always knew was a lesbian, is a butch. Maybe your co-worker or boss is a butch and you want to give her a little something. Or, perhaps most worrisome, you are newly dating a butch – be you butch, femme, or otherwise… What to buy your butch for the holidays? Well, fear not dear readers. I am here to serve. In that vein, let me give you a list of the best gifts for a butch. Really, of course, it’s just a list of gifts that I think are super rad and worth giving to someone like me. Your butch may hate all of these things. Generalizations are only as useful as humor and light reading (i.e., my goal).

Note to my wife, kids, and parents: This is not for you! We’ve already covered our holidays. :o)

Now, given that I am not sponsored, I will not be referring you to any items that anyone has “paid” me to suggest – though I might happily create such a list next year, if any of the lovely people who make these items and items like these want to ask. This post is all me.

1.  Bow ties. Yes, the proverbial tie might be lame for your father (Right, Dad?), but butches (at least my kind of butches) love ties – bow ties specifically. The crazier the pattern, the better. Something I wouldn’t have picked out for myself. Something that reflects you, so that when I wear it, I will think of you. Maybe your butch doesn’t know how to tie a bow tie? Never fear, send her this link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoUre0ugkmI), tell her how hot you think she’ll look, and give her a cool bow tie. She will be motivated to learn how to tie it.

My goodness! This is a real knife ($1600).

My goodness! This is a real knife ($1600).

2. Multi-tool. A fancy Leatherman or Swiss Army one is great, but you can also do any multi-tool you find in any bin at any hardware store or market. Because, let’s face it, what butch doesn’t want/need/have to have a pliers, pocket knife, and awl in her pocket/bag/car/desk at all times?

3. Alcohol. I’m going to say craft beer or scotch/whiskey. (I realize it’s a stretch). Minis are cool. If you do minis, get some weird stuff your butch may not have tried, or a full-size sampler of Belgian beers. There is always a Beers of the World box this time of year, and many of the butches I know would appreciate such a box.

4. Craft Beer Tour. I love experience gifts, as long as the giver comes with me. Send your butch on a craft beer tour. San Diego, Portland, San Francisco, Denver and other brew cities will have lots of these to choose from. Substitute historic homes or flower gardens if that’s better for your butch. It’s about the experience.

5. Anything from REI. For my non-US readers, REI is an outdoor adventure outfitter company and pretty much everything they have there is rad. Carabiners, D-rings, knifes, multi-tools, biking/kayaking/spelunking/climbing stuff, compasses, cool flashlights, solar-powered chargers for all your electronics. I mean, the list goes on and on. Any trip to REI will result in many lesbian sightings, even for non-lesbian flooded cities. I find things there each trip that I suddenly cannot live without, even though I never knew I needed them!

6. Video Games. Whatever her gaming system is (PS3/4, Wii U, iPad, etc.), take a look at her games and get her the newest one that is like those other ones she has. If she is into Call of Duty, she might not like Ratchet and Clank, for example. (It’s like the difference between a violent shooting game and a Mario Bros. game). Any of the people at a good gaming store (GameStop, Best Buy) will be able to make suggestions based on what your butch already owns and plays.

7. Lingerie. If you happen to be reading this as a femme in love with/married to/or dating a butch, consider giving your butch a lovely box of unmentionables that you will wear. I promise, your butch will think of this as a very special gift – even though you will be the one wearing it. Or get her lingerie for herself if she likes lacey things.

8. Kid Stuff. Kids take note, if you are of the age that you might need a ride to pick out a gift for your mom, think about making her something. Who doesn’t love a handcrafted gift from the kiddos? I, for one, absolutely cherish the painted cards, ironed crafts, and even the pottery gifts my angels have made for me. If you are old enough that you can drive to buy a gift yourself (but don’t want to make anything), think about getting your mum a gift card. If you know that your butch mom likes movies, music, or a particular store, you can get her a gift card for said store. No problem with that. Personally, I prefer that you struggle to choose something for me that you think I will like. But lots of people, butches included, love a gift card. If your mom loves going to Home Depot, then that might be a great gift card for her.

My new favorite. His shirts are so rad.

My new favorite. His shirts are so rad.

9. Her Favorite Dress Shirt. Parents, this is a great one for you. Think about getting your butch daughter her favorite designer shirt. Maybe it’s a little out of her price range (like my new favorite, Robert Graham), or maybe you found it on sale. Whatever the situation, one of the coolest things my mom and dad have given me in the past few years is dress shirts from my favorite designers. This falls into the category of things I might not have bought myself, and makes me feel very special. a) They paid attention to what shirts I like, and b) They took the time to go buy me something that they know I will wear and will make me feel great.

So there you have it, 9 ideas for gifts for the butch in your this holiday season. There are gobs of others, of course. Books, movies, food, tickets to a musical, concert, or ballet, candles, plants, tools, crochet kits. You get the idea!

Those of you who love a butch (mom, partner, friend, co-worker), It’s your turn to be butch. It’s very butch to give her a gift that shows you’ve been paying attention to what she likes and enjoys. Be Butch.


Why I Love Butches

Recently, I asked all of you to share the reasons why you love butches. It was a really interesting list and some of you suggested that I needed to compile it and share. One note is that this was grammatically challenging. Most of these are tweets and so not full sentences, but I tried to edit as little as possible. I did make them readable outside of Twitter and Facebook, though, and even though they aren’t all complete sentences, I added periods. Also, I’ve never cursed in a post, but a few of these need the expletive, I think, so I have left them.  Well, here you go!

Oh, and if you are a baby butch, take note. It was mentioned on more than one occasion that some of you could use a few of these tips.

OUR HANDS & ARMS

  • Big, giant, strong hands to pick me up and fuck me. Number one reason.
  • Looking at her strong hands and knowing where they can take me…
  • Strong hands on the small of my back guiding me through a crowded room.
  • She runs her fingers through my hair, gently pulling my head back, and kisses my neck.
  • The contrast of her big rough hands on my smooth skin.
  • The way she holds me and the way she takes my hand in hers.
  • Butch hands, butch style, butch lips!
  • Arms strong enough to carry me to her bed, hands strong enough to pin my wrists even when I arch my back.
  • Strong hands that silently promise to always keep me safe.
  • The safety that can always be found in their big strong arms.

Butches: Femmes are loving how strong we are. Also, they notice our hands, so maybe keep them clean?

OUR FASHION

  • How amazing she looks in a 3 piece suit with a bow tie and how that bow tie comes in handy after dark.
  • How she looks in a made-to-measure three piece suit.
  • She’s not into suits, but she knows that you have a thing for them and so she wears them for you.
  • Suits and boobs!
  • A surprise trashy bra under her suit.
  • Purple dress shirts and vests.
  • Three words. Ties. Cufflinks. Vests.
  • Bow ties that I can untie…
  • French cuff dress shirts & cuff links.
  • Ties, button down shirts, blazers, belts, shoes, watches.
  • Ass kicking boots!
  • Short, well maintained hair.
  • Nothing quite as appealing as a dapper butch.

Butches: Get the picture here? There is major action to be gotten by dressing up, buttoning down, and tying that bow tie.

GENERAL

  • I like how how attentive she is when I make her breakfast.
  • When she let’s you ramble on and on about your day…and actually listens.
  • They use the word asshats to make sad femmes laugh out loud.
  • How intently she listens to me when I speak.
  • Her patience while I get ready.
  • When a straight man says, “why not date a real man?” I can say, anything you can do, she can do better!
  • They’re so smile-inducing to consider that I’d rather stay here typing why I love them, than finish getting ready &going to work this morning!
  • The softer side only shown in the safety and confidence of a loved one.
  • The dynamic that can only be shared between a butch and a femme.
  • Attentive, appreciative and creative..
  • The way she embraces the butch-femme dance in a way that respects us both.
  • The way butches interact with children when they think no one is watching: let go, act silly and carefree! *swoon*
  • Strong facial features with a hint of softness.

Butches: Listen, be patient, and let those lovely femmes see your softer side. Apparently, they like it. What a relief! It’s hard to be tough all the time.

PUPPIES (Yes, really.)

  • They get puppies for their little girls..
  • They give a puppy-less femme a late nite puppy fix.
  • She selflessly offers to share adorable puppy to serve as mascot.

Butches: If you can pull it off responsibly, there are points to be scored here.

SWAGGER

  • Confidence, because she’s out every moment & has to deal with things I never will.
  • Her unapologetic presence and self confidence.
  • Outward self confidence and undeniable presence.

I have to say that first one almost makes me cry. It’s true, and it’s exhausting. So nice to be appreciated for it.

CHIVALRY

  • Having a butch find out no one has ever bought you flowers before & them being more pissed off than you.
  • She is gallant enough to allow an inattentive femme to save face.
  • Old-school butch style, old-school butch manners.
  • The way she makes me feel like the only woman in the world worth noticing.
  • The silent possessiveness of her presence when we’re on a date.
  • Gentlebutch manners. Attentive. Femmes first.
  • How she opens the door for me, closes my car door, all those little things.
  • How she guides me with a hand on the small of my back as we walk.
  • I love butch gentlemanly attention, tenderness, tough demeanor, lovely manners to start…
  • The effort she makes to ensure I don’t get wet from puddles and the way she walks.
  • Chivalry in the most genuine and loving display.
  • The way she bravely kills the spiders while pretending they don’t terrify her.

I am so glad the femmes notice! Young butches: Open the doors for your femme – unless she tells you not to.

SEXY

  • Making her growl.
  • How your special butch knows just how to please you.
  • Knowing that submission is strength, not weakness.
  • How they blush when teased playfully by a femme.
  • Walking out in heels, corset, suspenders, stockings with red lips and her being left speechless.
  • Because they know how to put the biggest grin on your face, right before bed. *swoon*
  • The way she undresses me with her eyes.
  • Unexpected romantic streaks.
  • Her absolute need for me there and then…
  • How I can make her distracted by being girly & flirty.
  • Role playing :o)
  • When she pretends like we have never met and find that connection all over again every time.
  • How they always give a femme what she wants and needs.
  • They are super attentive and giving.
  • How I can get her cool facade to slip by being provocative. 
  • The way she makes me melt with a demanding kiss. 
  • The way she treats me with respect & charm, until we’re in the bedroom.
  • The look on their face when they realizing I’m packing under my skirt.
  • The way she bends down to gently remove my stilettos before giving me a massage. 
  • The way they please their lover!

Butches: Well done! We are sexy beasts! Keep up the good work, and the growling.

POWER

  • Big and strong to pin me down while she fucks me. 
  • When she ties me up with her bow tie.
  • The look on her face when she says “I may hurt you, but I’ll never harm you.” 
  • Obedience… *fanning myself* and the look in her eyes when she does submit.

Gulp. No comment.

SMELL

  • Butches are so intoxicating.
  • The way she reacts to my perfume.
  • The way their skin smells, even without cologne or body spray.

Butches: This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t shower. Keep it fresh.

And, my favorite comment was from JaJaButton: “Someone bring me ButchOnTap. Please? Yum. Butch is best.” Thanks JaJa! You made me blush.

Coming soon, the same inventory for Why I love Femmes. Given this list, it is obvious the femmes and sometimes butches love us for all that makes us butch. So, I guess that means that it’s Butch to Be Butch. Be Butch.


Three Lesbians Walk Into a Strip Club

Vegas' OG strip club

Vegas’ OG strip club

So, in my last post I left off with the statement, “Umm, how about a strip club?” Well…

Yes! We had a winner. Into a cab we piled and headed way off the strip to Olympic Gardens. I’ve never been here before, but it’s a bit of a Vegas institution. The bottom floor is women strippers, and the top is men. Something for everyone. As we got into cab, the bellman said, “OG.” I took it as a compliment. Yeah, we are original gangsters because – you know – we were rolling like that. LOL. I mean, really. Three white lesbians cocked and ready to go.  Oh yea.

No, Butch, you lame ass. That’s what they call the club. So, off to OG we “rolled.”

Now, I have been to plenty of strip clubs in my day. Enough to relax about it. But, being single. Being in Vegas. With good friends. I got excited. Like when you are about-to-board-a-roller-coaster excited. In we went, slightly (fairly?) intoxicated.

I imagine that a few of you reading this might never have been to a strip club – perish the thought! As I have written before, I am available to be your wingman or tour guide for such an outing. Or, better yet, take your girlfriend – that’s hot. In the meantime, allow me to set the stage – so to speak. I mean, you won’t find Butch dancing on any poles – at least not in public!

All the strip clubs I have been to are laid out the same. There is a long dark hallway leading up to the entrance. Some have a cover charge you’ll pay when you show your ID and others do not. If they do not, they might have a two drink minimum, or maybe not. OG has a cover. Once paid and our IDs were checked, we moved into the club proper, also dark, though lighter than the hallway. Usually near the door is a bar, and a cashier. Past that is the main body of the club. A stage in the center of the room, with a varying number of poles for dancers. Flanking the stage will be front row seats. Further back from the stage, you will find tables and chairs, and still further back in the shadows, you will find booths. Sometimes, there are also back rooms and curtained off areas. I would avoid those for sure – no matter how nice the club is. But of course, to each her own.

Our first stop was for singles from the cashier – I got a lot. Second, my friend has found the perfect spot by the stage. At OG, there are 4 poles on the stage, but it looks like at any given time on this evening, only one will be in use. I kid you not, that within one dancer (a set of three songs) of us being there, every stripper used the pole right in front of us. And, do you know why? Because we were a group of lesbians. Respectful, well-behaved lesbians. And we were all tipping. So politely, too. The strippers must have sent up a flare. “OVER HERE! Kind Lesbians who won’t grope you. Dance over here, Ladies!”

A lovely, hard-working woman on a pole. Do you know how hard this is to do?

A lovely, hard-working woman on a pole. Do you know how hard this is to do?

And they did. And we didn’t. Lesbians must be the most respectful audience at a strip club. Why? We love women, so we pay attention. We love women, so we are respectful and super appreciative of: 1) how hard it is to move like that, 2) how difficult it is to stay looking like that, and 3) how gross it must be to dance for straight men all day. Sorry, guys. You must admit that strip clubs are not your best environment. You kinda come here to let loose, right? And, drop those gentlemanly manners of yours. Well, I don’t think that’s true for lesbians. At least not for me, and not for my friends.

So, we had lots of dancers focused on us. Stopping by, dancing close, of course, to encourage us to tip. The first dancer who came up to me asks me if I am single, and I said yes. My friends aren’t, so guess who got the most attention? This lesbian right here. How much fun was this! Beautiful women dancing for me, expecting nothing other than I pay attention and keep slipping ones into the various strings that they are wearing solely for this purpose. I’m not leaving here with a stripper. I’m not heading into any back room. Right? So, all I have to do is enjoy the femme attention. Oh, and keep paying for it with that big stack of ones in front of me. Done.

Now, as butch as I am, and as much as I like to pretend that I am a player (did I say pretend?), I am quite embarrassed to actually deliver the ones. I want to tip because I appreciate their work, but I am afraid to touch them because that seems so disrespectful. Thus, I have to be told that it is indeed ok to slide the dollar bill into the dancers’ g-string, or even better, they explain, into the special snappy string that they are wearing underneath the g-string. Yikes. [“Umm, where should I put it?” “Wherever you like, honey!”] After a few tries, I got it down. One dancer actually said to me when I verbalized my hesitation, “Honey! We are strippers, grab away. If you’ve got a one for me, slide it wherever you like!” I’m pretty sure I blushed – because, you know, I am just (not) that cool.

IMG_0315

As long as I’ve got my suit and tie…

So, there I am. All dressed up (three piece navy blue suit, dress shirt, bow tie, cufflinks, etc.). With good friends. Drinking. And, having a procession of young, attractive women with lithe bodies doting on us and me. Sigh. Some of you will think me a pig, I realize, and that’s ok. I had fun and if you don’t like it, so be it.

I finally had the nerve to get a lap dance. First time in my life.  The dancer had come over almost as soon as we sat down and started chatting me up. As you do. Anyway, later in the evening, I decided to go for it. We headed over to one of those couches – remember the ones that are just past the tables and more in shadows?

There was a lot, a lot, of chatting at the start, something I’m sure is not normal with male patrons. The stripper told me all about her family and why she was dancing. Then she shifted to the main event and started to dance kind of around, in front, and over me. It lasted longer than I thought it would, even though I bought a second dance.

When I went back to my friends, they peppered me with questions. How was it? Was it worth it? How do you feel? Blushing, I am pretty sure, I answered that it was nice. Much more intimate than I expected, but not gross. I got roundly teased and then we all turned our attention back to the dancers on stage. Those ones won’t tip themselves!

As we left the club, that dancer ran up to me and gave me a hug. She was topless as she had just left the patron (male, natch) that she was with and came to say goodbye to us. I guess we left an impression on her and others. What with being polite, respectful, and good tippers. Plus, we stood out. A group of very tall lesbians, including a few Butches. Anyway, I was proud of our group, but I suspect that this would be the case with any posse of lesbos. We are just so different in this environment from our male counterparts, and these, dancers, erm, strippers (“Honey!”) appreciated us – or maybe just our ones. :o)

It’s very butch to hit a strip club, and even more butch to make sure you tip well and treat the dancers like angels (such a hard job…). Be Butch.


Just Another Lesbian

20120831-123553.jpg
This morning I was dropping my kids off at school when I realized something. While walking back to my car, I saw myself through another mom’s eyes. I inhaled sharply as I realized that this morning, I look like just another lesbian. Meaning, stereotypically boyish/sloppy/casual.

I spend a fair amount of time talking about style and fashion, and challenging us butches to step it up a notch. Accordingly, I must turn myself in when I break all those rules, err, guidelines that I normally advocate.

Let me break it down, bottom to top:

1. Brown leather flip flops, by Reef. Bottle openers in the soles, natch.

2. Blue cotton cargo shorts, by Old Navy.

3. Grey t-shirt, slightly too big, untucked, by Life Is Good. Shudder. The cartoon on this gem is a tailgating Jake with a Jeep and a football. Add a rainbow flag to the Jeep and the football, and it’s a trifecta of the dyke stereotype.

4. Grey baseball cap covering up the morning flat mohawk, by Black Clover (albeit a strong hat worn stylishly askew).

5. No jewelry. No belt. No flair of any kind to tie it all together.

Yuck! Everything basically matches, of course, but the overall look? Not good. This is the lesbian equivalent of the straight mom dropping her kids off at school in her PJs. If you’ve ever dropped kids off, you have seen her. No makeup (or smeared eyeliner from the night before), hair in a scrunchy, PJ bottoms, tank top (probably pink), Uggs, and a Starbucks. Right?

For me, today’s outfit equals sweatpants, which I never leave the house in. Comfy, easy, practical, lazy. The furthest thing from stylish. Yes, sadly, today I contributed to the lesbian stereotype. I guess it happens sometimes.

But don’t worry – when I go out for drinks tonight, I will represent!

It’s butch to hold yourself accountable for how you look – even early in the morning. Be butch.


ButchOnTap

Be Butch.

pinkroziz

Always A Story...

softlybutch

4 out of 5 dentists recommend this WordPress.com site

Dear Butch, ... Love, Femme

a little sound advice from one side of the spectrum to the other

A Femme in NYC

Adventures & Misadventures of a Butch/Stone Butch Loving Spaniard

Femme Fairy Godmother

What your mama should've told you

kittysveiw

Thoughts from a femme...

A Boy and Her Dog

Traversing the Border between Butch and Transgender

Sudden Awareness

It's like I just awoke to find myself living someone else's life

P J Perryman Books

Sparkly Knickers

Dapper, Irish & Butch

Dapper- it's a state of mind.

singlequeergrrl

single. queer. grrl.

Stories from life

cisgender, unlearning oppression, transgender, resistance, butch, femme, gendered space, women, women and police, women and hospitals, women and transphobia, genderism, transphobia, sexism, allies, coming out, gendered spaces, women and welfare, solidarity, barbara findlay, washrooms, women and psychiatry, still sane

Butch Ramblings

“I’m not wandering aimlessly, I am experiencing endlessly.”

Vulnerable Verbiage

Involving an uninhibited, workaholic, independent, femme lesbian. I let it all hang out in my blog house!! ENJOY!

%d bloggers like this: