Category Archives: butch jaxon

It’s Butch to not Be Butch?

This morning as I walked into the office, I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight of giant black spider on the bottom of the glass doors. I mean giant.  The spider was at least 4 inches from leg to leg. There was another guy walking in at the same time. He stopped with me and looked at the spider. I was completely engrossed for a couple reasons: 1) fascination with nature, 2) concern for safety, and 3) eerie curiosity.

1) fascination with nature

This was a big beast. Much bigger than the normal spider. How amazing it is to see things that are out of the ordinary. Though I get excited to see the bunnies that live in my yard every night, too, this seemed extra special. Certainly worthy of a moment to observe.

2) concern for safety

I am always watching out for others – my wife, kids, family, friends, coworkers and strangers. I am the person who will alert housekeeping or a store employee when I come upon someone else’s spill in the aisle. I am the parent who picks up a glass bottle on campus, and the neighbor who will always stop to grab a stray dog (or moves a dead coyote out of the street). I know I am not unique in this – but some people are the ones leaving the spills, bottles and passing the dogs. At work, I am on the Medical Emergency Response Team. That means that if someone gets hurt or sick in the building, one of the MERT members gets called to the scene to help until authorities arrive. I have a vest and everything. As I saw the spider and tried to figure out if it was a Brown Recluse or some other coworker-eating variety, I imagined donning my vest and running down to help an unsuspecting victim just trying to get in to work on a Monday.

3) eerie curiosity

I am afraid of sharks (at least a little), but I still like to see pictures of them in all their ferociousness. I can’t stand scary movies – I mean, like for real can’t stand them – but I like to listen to the creepy music from them. Its like a little taste of scary, without the full dose.

I don’t like spiders, but I am not afraid of them. I wasn’t in a hurry to grab it and hold it, but I did want to check it out. Whenever I am called upon for spider duty, I am able to catch and relocate the little guys from inside our home to a more appropriate place outside. We always leave spiders outside alone, because that is their home. Though this spider was outside, it was not quite at home. As I stood for a few seconds trying to decide what to do, the guy next to me flicked the spider off of the door onto the ground. “It’s fake,” he said.

What? Seriously? It didn’t look fake. I had to keep myself from jumping back when he flicked it off the door. I am sure that I moved a little bit anyway – hopefully he didn’t notice. I felt so silly! Here I am, the spider relocator of my home, and I was ready to jump away from this… fake spider. Sigh. Clearly the absence of anyone relying on my role as the spider relocator, the protector, the defender, the door opener, the Butch, meant that I got to be… scared, creeped out, and jumpy.

Sometimes it is Butch to not be butch at all. Be Butch.


And the Winner is…

Tonight, I drew the winner of The Dinah weekend pass giveaway. Check out the video as the drama unfolds. 

It’s Butch to enter contests with ButchOnTap. Thanks for Being Butch!


Butch: My New Permanent (marker) Tattoo

Tonight, while writing our Christmas cards, my wife got bored and started drawing on my arm with a pen. What did she write? “Butch,” of course. Just like Lea Delaria.

Now, I would never claim to be as Butch as Lea. Nor would I claim to be as talented a singer as Lea. I would never claim to be as funny as Lea. And obviously, I am nowhere near as famous as Lea.

But then, I have interviewed her. I have had drinks with her. I am taller than her. And, I do drink better beer than she does…  At any rate, I am a huge fan of Lea’s. She is one of my heroes. Really, only one of a very few Butches that I look up to. So, when I saw the tattoo that Lea has on her arm on my own arm, I of course said, “Grab the camera!”

The following ensued…

  

  And, because I feel ridiculous when I try to “look sexy” or even “look extra Butch” for that matter, so did this…


  
I may not be as Butch as Lea, but I am Butch enough for me. It’s Butch to proclaim your Butchness in whatever way you see fit. Be Butch.  


Is ButchOnTap one of the 25 Most Powerful Butches in America?

What does it mean to be one of the most powerful Butches in America?

Does it mean that women won’t freak out when I walk in the correct restroom? Does it mean that my friends will stop wondering why I don’t just dress a little more feminine if it’s so irritating? Does it mean that people at restaurants, coffee shops, drug stores, service counters, auto shops, and on planes will stop calling me “Sir”? Does it mean that I will magically have tons of customized clothing options when I walk into any of the shops I frequent? Does it mean that I will stop frustrating the occasional gay man who thought I was a man to hit on? Does it mean that I will have all of the book publishing world and Hollywood open to me to do some creating on a big scale?

Does it mean my amazing and stunning wife will love me more? Does it mean my kids will think I am any cooler? Does it mean my puppy will stop having accidents in the house? Does it mean my cat allergies will suddenly vanish? Will it reduce my cable guy service window?

The answer to all of these questions is a resounding and huge No. But, it would be hella cool.

When ButchWonders posted the poll this morning and invited the world to vote for the 25 Most Powerful Butches in America, I was excited. What a cool thing to see all those Butches (and in some cases, perceived Butches) listed. I mean, there are lots of us! Butches aren’t disappearing! And even better, we are starting to achieve more visibility. More visibility means more mental health. More comfort in daily life. More acceptance. It means kids can figure out they are Butch younger. Less stress. Less anxiety. Less why don’t I fit? Less badly dressed lesbians! (You are a Butch, feel free to shop in either the men’s or women’s department.)

I was also excited to be listed. Heh. But I got tripped up on whether I could ask y’all to vote for me. If I was powerful, wouldn’t everyone vote without being asked? Doesn’t it diminish it if I run around asking for votes?

Again, I think the answer is No.

I’ve done pretty well in life by asking for what I want. After all, I want to be powerful. With power comes the ability to change things. To get things done. With power, people are more likely to take your calls, listen to you. Isn’t it my responsibility to claim that power then? To take steps towards what I want? To help carry the banner for Butches everywhere?

I hope so. Please vote for me. You can vote for 10 of the people listed, so it’s not like I have to be the most powerful Butch you know… Just in your top 10. The poll closes Friday, so vote quickly.

I’ll still Be Butch regardless of the outcome of the poll. Making it won’t make me more Butch, nor will not making it mean I am less Butch. But, it’s Butch to ask for what you want. Vote for me and Be Butch with me.


Can Butches Be Moms?

As Mother’s Day approaches, I am left to ponder what it means to be a Mom (capital used here on purpose) and to be a Butch. Some people think these two concepts are anachronous. It always makes me laugh when people are surprised that I am a Mom. Or, I guess it is not that I am a Mom, but that I am the birth Mom of my kids. People have a hard time imagining me as a pregnant woman. Why would a Butch want to have kids? Huh? I’m sorry. Assuming that a Butch identifies as a woman (which is certainly not always the case), why is it that I wouldn’t want to have kids exactly?

Keep reading at Gay-SD.com. They carried this piece and you can find it here. It’s teased on the front page and carried on the back page (page 16). Happy Mothers’ Day!


Lesbianland: The Dinah

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We woke up this morning fairly early – 9. Texted friends to see what was afoot for breakfast. Both of us are tired because we went to bed about 3:30, but there’s an impetus to get back to the fun.

Like when you go to Disneyland (or any theme park) and you are so tired of walking by like 1:00, but you have to see the whole park, ride everything, not miss anything! Well, being at The Dinah is kind of the lesbian version of that. It’s lesbian Disneyland. Lesbianland. And you want to see it all. Not miss anything. Ride everything (cough).

So we are back at it this am. Last night was rad. We arrived in time to get our press credentials (“creds”) before they closed down the table. Then we zipped off to grab a bite. That was a funny fail, however, as we misjudged our timing. Can you bring us our appetizers (all we ordered) in take out containers? After getting our creds, we ran out to the car and ate our appetizers in the street. 3 lesbians trying to down giant Italian meatballs with only one napkin and one fork. Then, into the fray.

It’s my first time working the red carpet as press. I have creds, so behind the red velvet rope we go, along the step and repeat. We cram in and wait for the lengthy list of celesbians (that’s celebrity lesbians) to arrive and smile for us. I have my big camera rig (which looks very professional) and my wife is my second shooter with a smaller camera (still a serious one, tho). The plan is: figure out the red carpet, don’t trip, get at least a few good shots to show y’all. And maybe talk to a few celebs.

We were on target – mostly. The press line was way more crowded than we expected and it was impossible to get a spot along the rope. I’m tall, so I tried to make it work. Holding the camera up with one arm is hard. Shooting over the woman’s bun in front of me was even harder. I did my level best though.

We got good shots – more than I expected. I didn’t trip. Batting a thousand. No interviews though. But then, my friend Fortune Feimster came right over to say hi and we had a chat. I was really happy – I look like real press!

After the press line, my wife and I went out to stash the heavy cameras. Then, we got a chance to meet Lauren Bedford Russell and Kiyomi McClosky in the VIP area (love those press creds!). Recall that I interviewed Kiyomi last year. Well, I interviewed Lauren just recently, but both interviews were on the phone. It was really nice to make the in person connection with two such genuine and cool women.

After that, it was into the party for some drinks and dancing. We ended up sitting outside for a bit, and having wonderful conversations with friends, old and new. This is my wife’s first time at The Dinah. So far, so good!

I’ll share about today and tonight later. We will make it through the day. We have to. It’s Lesbianland. We are going to see everything. Do everything. Ride everything – just as a figure of speech of course!

It’s butch to go to Lesbianland. Be Butch.


The Joy of the Game: Reflecting on Watching Baseball Instead of Playing

I’m watching my son play baseball. That means on this particular afternoon, I am sitting alone along the backstop in my relatively comfortable camp chair. Today I am alone, though that’s not the norm. The grandparents didn’t make this game, and my wife is at home with my daughter. As thrilling as the game is for my son, and of course for me, it’s less than riveting for my daughter — especially on a school night. With homework. Indeed, I’m worried about my son being out till 7 on a school night. But, it is what it is, and we will see.

Anywho, as I’ve said before, I’m not necessarily the chattiest mom on the field and so I sit by myself. The other parents are lovely, to be sure, this is just my thing to deal with. As I sit by myself — riveted on my son when he’s in play (so to speak) — I can’t help but let my mind wander.

Head over to Huffington Post to read the rest, won’t you?

Thank you!


Raising Capital

Hi friends,

I’m thinking of doing a Kickstarter or Indiegogo campaign to raise money to fund some ButchOnTap stuff. Specifically, I need to register my new trademark (and finish paying my designer), and I’d really like to get some merchandise made. I was thinking T-shirts, bumper stickers, and maybe some bow ties. But I have so many questions running through my head. Like:

1. What do y’all think?
2. Is it a dumb idea?
3. Have any of you done a campaign? 4. Did it work?
5. Which company did you use?
6. Any tips?
7. Would any of you contribute if I did one?
8. If so, what reward might you like?

I appreciate all feedback on this one. Thank you! It’s butch to give advice. Be Butch.


Why You Should Buy a Butch a Bow Tie for Valentine’s Day

I’m excited to share that I am now in print. Actual print. Like, you can pick it up and read my article in your hands. On paper. A local magazine called Gay San Diego asked me to write a Valentine’s Day piece. About bow ties. Turns out I am the Feature on page 3, and listed on the front page. Very exciting. For those of you not in SD, here is the digital copy…

Gay San Diego

As I’ve said before, it’s butch to wear a bow tie. Be Butch.

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What to Buy a Butch for the Holidays

(Notice the clever, but oh-so-subtle use of “Holidays” instead of any particular December religiously-identified festivity.)

Alright, so you just realized that your daughter is a butch. Or you have finally realized that your mom, who you always knew was a lesbian, is a butch. Maybe your co-worker or boss is a butch and you want to give her a little something. Or, perhaps most worrisome, you are newly dating a butch – be you butch, femme, or otherwise… What to buy your butch for the holidays? Well, fear not dear readers. I am here to serve. In that vein, let me give you a list of the best gifts for a butch. Really, of course, it’s just a list of gifts that I think are super rad and worth giving to someone like me. Your butch may hate all of these things. Generalizations are only as useful as humor and light reading (i.e., my goal).

Note to my wife, kids, and parents: This is not for you! We’ve already covered our holidays. :o)

Now, given that I am not sponsored, I will not be referring you to any items that anyone has “paid” me to suggest – though I might happily create such a list next year, if any of the lovely people who make these items and items like these want to ask. This post is all me.

1.  Bow ties. Yes, the proverbial tie might be lame for your father (Right, Dad?), but butches (at least my kind of butches) love ties – bow ties specifically. The crazier the pattern, the better. Something I wouldn’t have picked out for myself. Something that reflects you, so that when I wear it, I will think of you. Maybe your butch doesn’t know how to tie a bow tie? Never fear, send her this link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoUre0ugkmI), tell her how hot you think she’ll look, and give her a cool bow tie. She will be motivated to learn how to tie it.

My goodness! This is a real knife ($1600).

My goodness! This is a real knife ($1600).

2. Multi-tool. A fancy Leatherman or Swiss Army one is great, but you can also do any multi-tool you find in any bin at any hardware store or market. Because, let’s face it, what butch doesn’t want/need/have to have a pliers, pocket knife, and awl in her pocket/bag/car/desk at all times?

3. Alcohol. I’m going to say craft beer or scotch/whiskey. (I realize it’s a stretch). Minis are cool. If you do minis, get some weird stuff your butch may not have tried, or a full-size sampler of Belgian beers. There is always a Beers of the World box this time of year, and many of the butches I know would appreciate such a box.

4. Craft Beer Tour. I love experience gifts, as long as the giver comes with me. Send your butch on a craft beer tour. San Diego, Portland, San Francisco, Denver and other brew cities will have lots of these to choose from. Substitute historic homes or flower gardens if that’s better for your butch. It’s about the experience.

5. Anything from REI. For my non-US readers, REI is an outdoor adventure outfitter company and pretty much everything they have there is rad. Carabiners, D-rings, knifes, multi-tools, biking/kayaking/spelunking/climbing stuff, compasses, cool flashlights, solar-powered chargers for all your electronics. I mean, the list goes on and on. Any trip to REI will result in many lesbian sightings, even for non-lesbian flooded cities. I find things there each trip that I suddenly cannot live without, even though I never knew I needed them!

6. Video Games. Whatever her gaming system is (PS3/4, Wii U, iPad, etc.), take a look at her games and get her the newest one that is like those other ones she has. If she is into Call of Duty, she might not like Ratchet and Clank, for example. (It’s like the difference between a violent shooting game and a Mario Bros. game). Any of the people at a good gaming store (GameStop, Best Buy) will be able to make suggestions based on what your butch already owns and plays.

7. Lingerie. If you happen to be reading this as a femme in love with/married to/or dating a butch, consider giving your butch a lovely box of unmentionables that you will wear. I promise, your butch will think of this as a very special gift – even though you will be the one wearing it. Or get her lingerie for herself if she likes lacey things.

8. Kid Stuff. Kids take note, if you are of the age that you might need a ride to pick out a gift for your mom, think about making her something. Who doesn’t love a handcrafted gift from the kiddos? I, for one, absolutely cherish the painted cards, ironed crafts, and even the pottery gifts my angels have made for me. If you are old enough that you can drive to buy a gift yourself (but don’t want to make anything), think about getting your mum a gift card. If you know that your butch mom likes movies, music, or a particular store, you can get her a gift card for said store. No problem with that. Personally, I prefer that you struggle to choose something for me that you think I will like. But lots of people, butches included, love a gift card. If your mom loves going to Home Depot, then that might be a great gift card for her.

My new favorite. His shirts are so rad.

My new favorite. His shirts are so rad.

9. Her Favorite Dress Shirt. Parents, this is a great one for you. Think about getting your butch daughter her favorite designer shirt. Maybe it’s a little out of her price range (like my new favorite, Robert Graham), or maybe you found it on sale. Whatever the situation, one of the coolest things my mom and dad have given me in the past few years is dress shirts from my favorite designers. This falls into the category of things I might not have bought myself, and makes me feel very special. a) They paid attention to what shirts I like, and b) They took the time to go buy me something that they know I will wear and will make me feel great.

So there you have it, 9 ideas for gifts for the butch in your this holiday season. There are gobs of others, of course. Books, movies, food, tickets to a musical, concert, or ballet, candles, plants, tools, crochet kits. You get the idea!

Those of you who love a butch (mom, partner, friend, co-worker), It’s your turn to be butch. It’s very butch to give her a gift that shows you’ve been paying attention to what she likes and enjoys. Be Butch.


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Be Butch.

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