Butch’s note: This blog post is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. Suffice it to say that I want to make you laugh. I do not mean to pass judgment on whoever you are, whatever your style may be (except for you over there in the ratty T-shirt and cargo shorts) or however you live your life. Now, that said, let me tell you how to be butch.
I know that you may be so delighted, so intrigued with my life experiences that you want to know how you, too, can be butch. You’re thinking, “You must have the secrets — and stat! If only there were an instruction manual.” Wait just a tick! I have found such a manual — which I have written! Read on for a step-by-step guide to being a proper butch.
Go to your closet. Find every piece of women’s clothing. Throw it out. Well, OK, donate it, but it has got to go. You can’t look butch in a blouse, for chrissake. Shoes, too. Straps are out. Heels are OK if stacked or on a cowboy boot; otherwise, not so much. OK, jeans are good, always. Buy some vests; that will get you started. There are lots of more advanced rules, but I could write blog posts and blog posts about lesbian fashion alone. (Actually, I already have: See “Tipping the Velvet,” “Out of Pocket” and “Tie One On.” And there will be more. Fashion is fun to write about.)
Please go read the next 11 steps at the Huffington Post Gay Voices Blog. Don’t forget to like it, share it, and comment if you are so moved. Thank you for your support of me over there. Every time a fan likes and shares a piece at the HuffPo, an angel gets her wings – or, rather, a butch gets her magical bow tie. Of course, please feel free to comment here, too!