Tag Archives: queer

Burn It All Down

I have been out and visible since I was 18. I came out through the fire of a fanatical Christian cult (still hard to admit). I have been an out lesbian, dyke, butch, in all its glorious splendor for almost 30 years. I have fought first for gay rights, then lesbian and gay rights, then LGBT rights, and, most recently, queer rights. I have participated in civil rights rallies for Latinos and African Americans. I have protested attempts to restrict a woman’s right to choose. I have fought for change in the legal and corporate world. On the one hand, I am a liberal feminist, bordering on fanatical, adamant for equal rights for all. Since I’ve never been arrested protesting, I don’t think I get to be “radical.”

On the other hand, I am a daughter, a wife, a mother, a neighbor, a friend, and an employee. And the thought that someone might harm my mother and father, wife, kids, neighbors, friends, or coworkers makes me want to burn that person’s village to the ground. I want to climb to the top of something very high and pick off those who would harm me or mine with methodical precision. And doing so would most likely require one of these “military grade” “semi-automatic” weapons. Who am I kidding? I would want a weapon that rivals anything Dead Pool or Batman might have access to. 

That is how I feel right now. I want to find a way to identify everyone that wants to harm my many-layered community and unceremoniously remove them from existence. Punish them for their hatred by taking out anyone “they” love and then them. The anger is blinding. I want to burn it all down. 

But here is the thing. I will never burn it all down. I will never climb to the top of anything high and pick off anyone. Unless of course, social media counts as a high point and my words can be considered the weapon.

The irony, the absolutely ridiculous and beautiful irony of America is that “they” have the right to hate me. “They” have the right to try and change the laws to make my life uncomfortable. “They” have the right to shout at the top of their lungs in a public square, “I hate you, Butch. I despise you and your equality, your gayness, your lack of conformity!” Yes, “they” get to say whatever the hell “they” want. And to think whatever “they” want. And so do I.

Maybe the paradox of our free-speech, free-religion society is that the more rights we have individually, the more important it is that we not have guns. Or rather, if you will, that “they” not have guns. Fair enough. Now, if we could just figure out who “they” are.

Imagine this (tortured) example…I am standing in a public square eloquently shouting my beliefs of equality and fairness to an LGBT crowd. On the other side of the square, “they” stand shouting that a woman’s place is in the home, homosexuality is a sin, and extolling the virtues of white pride. Everyone in the square has a gun – of any type. How does this rally end?

When Mateen walked into Pulse, he used weapons of mass destruction on a micro scale. He did not use freedom of religion. He was not exercising his constitutional right to hate. He brought down a permanent and unappealable sentence on hundreds of people based on his hatred. He should not be able to do that. It should be very, very hard to do that. Or impossible even. 

Since he (and all of us) has the right to hate, we must remove the awful temptation to turn that hate into violent action. Without a gun, he’s just a homophobic asshole. With one, he is a homicidal maniac. No one should be allowed to burn it all down.

We suck at this. America needs to get better. Right now. The rest of the world already thinks we are idiots. We have such resolve, such strength. Why can’t we work together to change this landscape once and for all?

It’s Butch to fight the urge to burn it all down. Be Butch.


The Sir-offender

I’ve got a new post up over on the Huffington Post. Will you go check it out for me? Maybe like it so the good folks at HuffPost know some people read what I write?

It’s Butch to support ButchOnTap on Huffington Post. Be Butch. 


Butch’s Adventures with TSA: Forbidden Words

It’s time for another episode of Butch’s Adventures with TSA. In today’s tale, we learn about those forbidden words.

After smooth sailing through the millimeter wave image monster (no doubt because I sing-songed my hello to the agent staffing the magic pink and blue buttons), I collected my stuff from the belt. 

The benches were full of travelers getting dressed, so I moved over to the table where they do they bomb swipey thing. As I was grabbing the only liquid I had removed from my batchel – a tiny travel cologne flask – I noticed an agent I like.

Me: How’s my favorite TSA agent today?

Agent: Good! It’s my Friday. 

Me: (sprays cologne) Mine too!

Agent: That smells good… What is it?

Me: Spicebomb. Oh. Can I say that here?

Agent: (laughs)

Me: You should see the bottle. 

Agent: Do you carry it? (Eyes my bag)

Me: I stopped after I got pulled for search the second time.

Agent: (laughs) Have a great trip!

There you go. A nice TSA agent who has a sense of humor.

It’s Butch to be nice to the TSA even when they’ve not always been nice to you. Be Butch. 

  


Notes from 18C

Hi BOTs.

A few random thoughts for you as I sit in my seat on the plane. 

1. Couldn’t find a parking spot this morning. Being late and having to park closer to the airport isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Also, no one is leaving the airport at 6:30 am. 

2. Been called “sir” twice already. Yes, I am a big Butch wearing a bow tie, but it’s only inches above a giant chest (of boobs).

3. TSA was in full effect, making me pass through the imaging machine twice. I don’t have male parts and they can’t seem to get this.

4. The days of empty seats beside you on planes are gone. Unless you are a big Butch in a bow tie. Then, you frequently get an empty seat. Hahaha. 

5. People who need coffee are in a bit of a club. You can seriously bond over your latte. Especially when you had time to get one and 19C didn’t.

6. Carrying your wife’s license and credit card so she can forgo a bag for the day is gallant, but you should check your wallet before you leave for a few days. I’m sorry, Gorgeous.

7. Selena Gomez’s Hands to Myself is a really good song. “I mean I could, but why would I want to?”

8. I’m finding writing to be a bit of a challenge right now. I keep thinking of things to write about and then dismissing them. So, that means not much creativity making it to the page. 

Bear with me while I try to press through it?

It’s Butch to press on. Be Butch. 


Butch: My New Permanent (marker) Tattoo

Tonight, while writing our Christmas cards, my wife got bored and started drawing on my arm with a pen. What did she write? “Butch,” of course. Just like Lea Delaria.

Now, I would never claim to be as Butch as Lea. Nor would I claim to be as talented a singer as Lea. I would never claim to be as funny as Lea. And obviously, I am nowhere near as famous as Lea.

But then, I have interviewed her. I have had drinks with her. I am taller than her. And, I do drink better beer than she does…  At any rate, I am a huge fan of Lea’s. She is one of my heroes. Really, only one of a very few Butches that I look up to. So, when I saw the tattoo that Lea has on her arm on my own arm, I of course said, “Grab the camera!”

The following ensued…

  

  And, because I feel ridiculous when I try to “look sexy” or even “look extra Butch” for that matter, so did this…


  
I may not be as Butch as Lea, but I am Butch enough for me. It’s Butch to proclaim your Butchness in whatever way you see fit. Be Butch.  


Want Need Wear Read Christmas Challenge

 

moneysavingsisters.com


My wife shared this idea with me and I love it. The thinking is that kids get overwhelmed at Christmas if there are too many gifts. If you have kids, and are lucky enough to be able to buy gifts, you’ve seen it on Christmas morning: that glossy stare. It means, “I’ve gotten too much. It’s all wonderful, but I can’t remember it all already.” It breaks down into a very crowded tree, tons of packages, trying to keep up getting them opened, and months later some or many gifts not played with, worn, or used.

Yes, it’s hard not to give your kids gobs of gifts (if you are able), but what message are we sending them? How about doing something different? Give them something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read. See how it goes.

We are doing it this year and it has already changed things for us. Shopping is easier and we’ve spent less. Which category is that? If we don’t know or it’s none of the 4 (and doesn’t belong in a stocking), then we don’t buy it. I will let you know how well it is received. 

Have any of you done this or anything like it? Share what you’ve tried in the comments so we can learn from each other. 

It’s Butch to give your kids presents while teaching them gratitude. Be Butch. 


Is ButchOnTap one of the 25 Most Powerful Butches in America?

What does it mean to be one of the most powerful Butches in America?

Does it mean that women won’t freak out when I walk in the correct restroom? Does it mean that my friends will stop wondering why I don’t just dress a little more feminine if it’s so irritating? Does it mean that people at restaurants, coffee shops, drug stores, service counters, auto shops, and on planes will stop calling me “Sir”? Does it mean that I will magically have tons of customized clothing options when I walk into any of the shops I frequent? Does it mean that I will stop frustrating the occasional gay man who thought I was a man to hit on? Does it mean that I will have all of the book publishing world and Hollywood open to me to do some creating on a big scale?

Does it mean my amazing and stunning wife will love me more? Does it mean my kids will think I am any cooler? Does it mean my puppy will stop having accidents in the house? Does it mean my cat allergies will suddenly vanish? Will it reduce my cable guy service window?

The answer to all of these questions is a resounding and huge No. But, it would be hella cool.

When ButchWonders posted the poll this morning and invited the world to vote for the 25 Most Powerful Butches in America, I was excited. What a cool thing to see all those Butches (and in some cases, perceived Butches) listed. I mean, there are lots of us! Butches aren’t disappearing! And even better, we are starting to achieve more visibility. More visibility means more mental health. More comfort in daily life. More acceptance. It means kids can figure out they are Butch younger. Less stress. Less anxiety. Less why don’t I fit? Less badly dressed lesbians! (You are a Butch, feel free to shop in either the men’s or women’s department.)

I was also excited to be listed. Heh. But I got tripped up on whether I could ask y’all to vote for me. If I was powerful, wouldn’t everyone vote without being asked? Doesn’t it diminish it if I run around asking for votes?

Again, I think the answer is No.

I’ve done pretty well in life by asking for what I want. After all, I want to be powerful. With power comes the ability to change things. To get things done. With power, people are more likely to take your calls, listen to you. Isn’t it my responsibility to claim that power then? To take steps towards what I want? To help carry the banner for Butches everywhere?

I hope so. Please vote for me. You can vote for 10 of the people listed, so it’s not like I have to be the most powerful Butch you know… Just in your top 10. The poll closes Friday, so vote quickly.

I’ll still Be Butch regardless of the outcome of the poll. Making it won’t make me more Butch, nor will not making it mean I am less Butch. But, it’s Butch to ask for what you want. Vote for me and Be Butch with me.


Are You A Lesbian?

WATCH: Top 10 Signs You Might Be A #Lesbian. Cameo by me! (I’m a lesbian.)

http://youtu.be/MdIEmxDtq1A

#thedinah #thedinah15 #thedinah25


The 16 Butchest Movies of All Time

Need a handy list of movies to watch? Want to make sure you can communicate with the Butch in your life? I’m here to serve. 

The following is my selection for the Butchest movies of all time, in no particular order. Obviously, this is because I am a Butch and clearly a movie expert. Lol. Add your favorites in the comments.


1. Terminator – When Ahhnold takes that biker’s clothes, boots, and shades. Also, biker boots crushing red roses and Linda Hamilton. 
2. Jaws – I mean, clearly we are going to need a bigger list. Er, boat.
3. Alien – Sigourney Weaver in a wife beater, dirty and sweaty taking on that Mama Alien. Yes!
4. Raiders of the Lost Ark – What Butch doesn’t want to be Professor Jones? Digging in the dirt? A whip and a pistol? I mean, come on!
5. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid – The name alone would get it mentioned here (plus, great movie).
6. Batman – Normal dude, tuxedos, tons of money, best toys ever. Catching bad guys. 
7. Any James Bond – All those gadgets, cars, women. Bow ties. British accent. 
8. Godfather – Meh. That’s right, I said meh. Then why include it? Ask any Butch you know. It must make the list.
9. Ace Ventura – Like a glove. 94 minutes of brilliance. 
10. Bad Boys – whacha gonna do when they come for you? Plus, a Shelby Cobra, and Tia Leone with a gun. 
11. Silence of the Lambs – it has Jodi foster in it, so we will excuse the senseless scariness. What are we? Rocks?
12. Die Hard – Yippeekaiyay mother f*cker!
13. Big Hero 6 – What? Go ahead. I dare you.
14. Charlie’s Angels – Um, hot girls? Car chases? Explosions? Drew Barrymore kicking ass?

15. Star Wars – Whether you identify with Han Solo, Luke, or Darth Vader, this is about as Butch as it gets. Sword fights (with lasers), talking robots, high tech vehicles of every kind, spectacular explosions, and … Princess Leia. Sigh.
16. Lord of the Rings – Epic adventure, fears of daring do, being underestimated and succeeding against all odds. 
Did I forget your favorite? Let me know!
It’s Butch to make lists. Be Butch. 

14 Problems Only Butches and Femmes Who Love Them Understand

Today, I read a great list of problems only Butch lesbians understand. I laughed out loud. Many of you also enjoyed the list, judging by the plethora of comments. The author captured many of my Butch problems, but I couldn’t help myself. I thought of a few more. And, as a Butch who loves Femmes, mine are a little different.

So, go read Lane Moore’s post in Cosmopolitan – of all places – and then please see my humble additions below. 


1. Drink Umbrellas. You really want a mixed drink (rather than beer) but are afraid of what will come in or on your drink.
 
2. Parent Night at School. When your kid’s classmates ask if you are the mom “because you look more like the dad.”
 
3. She Looks Better In Your Clothes Than You Do. Actually, never mind.

 
4. Suitcases at Airports. You want to carry your bag and hers, but it’s a little too awkward. Plus, there’s the whole caveman stereotype.
 
5. That’s My Job. A cool new piece of furniture or technology gets delivered and you’re looking forward to putting it together when your girl grabs a boxcutter and is excited to get started.
 
6. When Your Mom Says You Look “So Pretty.” Or should I say “handsome”? Oh, honey, you know what I mean. (I do, Mom. 😜)
 
7. Getting Dressed. In anything other than casual attire. Until you decide the men’s section isn’t off limits, anyway.
 
8. Giant Boobs. Seriously. Why is it is #Butches seem to have the biggest racks? Girls would pay good money for racks like ours. Also, see number 6.
 
9. Tiffany. Betty Sue. Rebecca. Did you ever notice the Butches in your life have the girliest names? It’s so unfair.
 
10. Engagement Rings. You’ve bought her one. She said yes! Wait, why don’t you have a ring? Aren’t you excited? Well, I am, but I don’t want that big diamond hanging off my finger. What a hazard!
 
11. Manicures. Cut or file?, the lady asks. Cut. How short? Really short. Immediately conversation in another language happens. Followed by laughter.
 
12. You Miss The Pre-Lipstick Kiss. Your wife put her lipstick on and you missed your kiss. It’s going to be a long night before you get another chance.
 
13. Selfies. Hers are coy, playful, and sexy. Yours look like these.
 
Sigh. And here’s one more, special for me.
 
14. Butch or Bitch? When your wife is British and the two words sound a lot alike. What did she just call me?
 
It’s Butch to share lists of the funny things you experience as a Butch. Be Butch. 

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