One Sick Butch

Hi all. I am a butch down with a cold. What an irritating inconvenience. I am sick, and have been for almost a week, but I cannot find a hot nurse nearby! Woe is me. It got me to thinking… how do you handle yourself when you are sick? Do we butches get sick any differently than non-butches?

Butches, do you dissolve into a baby when you are sick?

For example, there is a stereotype that men are total babies when they are sick – relying on their partners for everything. “Honey, I think I am going to die!” “No dear, you just have a cold.” Right? Well, this is certainly not true for me.

I’m sick. I feel sorry for myself, but I am taking care of things. Picked up a bunch of DayQuil, NyQuil, cough drops, and those soft lotion tissues (don’t judge!). Went to work until I didn’t feel like I should anymore. Hit the gym the first two days, but then was smart enough to take a break the next two. Yesterday’s work out was modified, but I did it.  Today, I took myself to the doctor. Got my prescription and came home to rest. I am about to go to the store and get myself some chicken tortilla soup (I’m too irritated to make my famous, heal-you-when-you-are-sick chicken noodle soup for myself). Tonight, I will pair that with a lovely Ginger Ale, bad TV, and an early bed time.

I pick up all my tissues, put away the thermometer, still handle the laundry and normal chores, and basically take care of stuff. Of course, I would not turn down an offer of help if given, but I don’t really need it. Plus, it would limit my ability to feel sorry for myself…

How about you, dear readers? How do you handle yourself when you are sick? Can we butches claim to be superior in the getting sick department?

Its butch to take care of yourself and get better. Be butch.

Finding Butch

I was inspired by my blog idol, Butch Wonders, to do a regular post about some of the funniest search terms that land people at my blog. After checking in with Butch Wonders, I am proud to proceed with my first edition of this. So, here are the top 10 oddest or most interesting search terms that lead folks to ButchOnTap last month:

1. monopoly game on iphone wont let me resume my game what do i do – Turn off your phone. Look around you. The world is beautiful. Or, find a friend to play Monopoly with. Wouldn’t it be great if you could play Butchopoly?
2. Can a fat butch be sexy?– Yes. Anyone can be sexy. The same rules apply to butches as to non-butches. Big or
   

   Image courtesy of heidihat.com

   small you can be hotter than hell, but not if you are wearing sweatpants … probably. There are always exceptions.
   

3. do skinny jeans go with Mohawk – Everything goes with a Mohawk. Next?
4. i look around and wonder and stare unknowingly how to stop – Oh my. I had no idea that “What are you looking at?” would pull in a lost soul like this. Step One: Go to the doctor. Step Two: Go see a therapist. Step Three: Perhaps stop playing Monopoly on your iphone? It might be reducing your attention span.
5. i’m so ugly, should i become a big, butch lesbian? – NO! We don’t want you. Please pick another career or pursuit. Butch lesbians are hot.
6. what does a kiss mean to a butch lesbian advice – The same thing that it means to a femme, a lesbian, a gay man, a straight woman, or a straight man. Depends on the kiss, of course, but doesn’t it usually mean, “Let’s go”? You are all free to come and kiss me and we can experiment to see if that is the correct interpretation… unless you are the person who asked the question in number 5.
7. lesbian bow ties – Great! I didn’t know there were lesbian bow ties. I need to get some of those. So far, I just have a whole bunch of non-sexually identified bow ties.
8. she is very big and strong – Why, thank you!
9. makeup for butch – I don’t speak for every butch, but I think it is pretty safe to say on behalf of most of us, “Butch doesn’t care for any make up, unless it’s on a femme.” Oh, is that what you meant? Then, yes, please.
10. i dont care what you say yes we are both lesbians butch but i do love her – Butches can be attracted to femmes, lesbians who are not identified as femmes, bois, and even other butches. Attraction isn’t about roles and correctness. It is about what you want and what feels good. So to the two “lesbians butch,” mazel tov.

Helloooooooo Kitty!

Fess up. No butch is 100% butch. We all lose butch points here or there. I have a Hello Kitty Visa card. Yes, that’s right.  Hello Kitty.  It’s pink and black and absolutely adorable. And totally un-butch. Or, is it?

More often than not, the woman taking my card freaks out about how cute it is. She tells me how much she loves Hello Kitty, or as I like to call her, “the Kitty.” She tells me stories about the Kitty. Why she loves the Kitty.  How adorable the Kitty is. Shows me her tattoo of the cute little feline. Seriously.

So, I’m wondering, do I lose butch points with the Kitty, or is it a great hook to get to the femmes?  Like the dude with the cute baby or puppy. You know, a chick magnet.

For me, it’s not an intentional hook. I really do love the Kitty. She was introduced when I was a little kid. There was something about that cute little white kitty with that red bow. Maybe it was that she was so perfectly drawn to appeal to a kid. Maybe it was the cute little toys and mini things that she was emblazoned on. I have always loved office supplies. Put a little black and white kitty on a pencil box, and watch out.

On the other hand, maybe she was the first femme I was drawn to. Think about it. She’s cute and girly! Always in a bow, usually a dress. She likes to bake cookies and loves sweets.

Maybe I’m still drawn to her because my parents wouldn’t let me buy the stuff. You know, make something off-limits and it becomes irresistible.  They thought that the Kitty stuff was too expensive. I would try reasoning with them… “But Mom, I really need this school set in the pencil box for $20. I mean, it even has a mini-stapler!” But she was, wisely, unconvinced, and the school kit – complete with stapler – stayed in the store.

Now, as a grown up, I can buy that kit if I want to, but strangely, I don’t want to. Seems like a waste of money! I have instilled a love of Hello Kitty in my kids though, and will happily buy them toys and figurines. I might even sit and play with said toys and figurines if asked. My own love, however, is limited to my Visa. I think it says something about me. I like to have fun. I don’t take myself too seriously. And, if some cute femmes happen to appreciate me for my card, so be it.

It’s butch to like the Kitty. Be butch.