Be Proud.

This weekend is San Diego’s LGBT (gay, for you old-schoolers) Pride Parade and Festival. This is the equivalent of a butch’s high holy days. As big as it gets – at least if you live in San Diego. This weekend is the time that hundreds of thousands of gays and lesbians, their friends and families, and businesses and services that support us and welcome us line up and march. After the Parade, many of those people will proudly walk into the Pride Festival in Balboa Park. This year, and the last two years, my gorgeous fiancé and I have participated in both.

Predominantly, we participate because we are doing so with my company. Several years ago, I was fortunate enough to know another lesbian attorney at my office and together, we started an LGBT network group. Sadly, this wonderful woman died shortly after we started the group – but she would be very proud of what we started together. The first year we were formed we marched in Pride and had a very small booth at the Festival. Each year since our booth has tripled in size. So, even without any other reasons to do so, my gorgeous fiancé and I, we march.

But how about the rest of you dear readers?  Do you think the Pride Parade and Festival is dumb? Outdated? No, on both counts. Here are 5 reasons why.

1. Parades stand for something. It takes time, money, resources, and energy. Permits. People. Support. All of these things are representative of a community that can raise money, organize people, work within the “system” (City Hall, Police, Trash, etc.). You don’t just wake up one morning and decide, “Let’s have a parade!” and get hundreds of thousands of people to show up. Yes, hundreds of thousands.

2. It takes courage to go to a Pride parade, to watch or to walk in it, gay or not. For gays, you feel (probably correctly) that you are announcing your gayness to the world. That can be very scary in a world that, although changing, is filled with hate crimes, firing from jobs, constant media attention to rights/lack of rights, teen suicides, and worse. For straights, it’s the same thing plus, will people think you’re gay, on the down low, or just on the fence? And, if so, see the previous few sentences.

3. It’s incredibly important for gays and gay-friendly people to see that we are not alone. It is so empowering, that I still tear up every year that I look around the group that I march with and see my straight friends there with me; still get a chill when I see the throngs of people cheering, being proud, embracing themselves and their friends. The PFLAG group is always a tear-jerker. These are the Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Think of it as a wonderful support group for the families and friends of us gays. They will have lots of signs like “I love my gay son,” “My lesbian granddaughter is awesome,” and the always super cool, “I love my 2 Moms (or Dads).” For a community that has so often lost family when coming out of the closet, this contingent is always moving. Also, this year in San Diego, members of our armed services will march in full uniform for the first time because of the recent repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Talk about a pride-inspiring moment.

4. It gives the gay-friendly businesses a chance to prove it. Car dealerships, realtors, plumbers, lawyers, and other service people will march in the Parade. The message is: “We love our gay employees and our gay customers; come work for us and patronize us – not those other guys who aren’t here.” A more recent phenomenon is that national brands have stepped up to the plate and are eager to show the gay community and their allies that they are welcoming and celebrate diversity. Certainly, there are long-time supporters like Budweiser and Miller (dating way back), but now there are companies like Albertson’s, AT&T, Cox Communications, Cricket Wireless, Hewlett-Packard, Jack In The Box, Johnson & Johnson, Orbitz, Qualcomm, Sempra Energy, Sony, T-Mobile, Vons and Wells Fargo in the Parade and Festival (at least in San Diego, but other cities as well, I am sure). This visible support is incredibly important to us gays. It means that you stand for equality. Not just tolerate it. It means that we want to be your customer – not your competitor’s. Oh, and as a community, we’ve got money and we are loyal. Pay attention if you work for a national brand!

5. Some of us in the LGBT community get frustrated by the media’s obsessive coverage of the, shall we say, “freakish” fringe at our Pride Parades and Festivals. You know what I’m talking about. This is the flamboyantly gay man in a thong on roller skates with a rainbow feather boa. The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. The dyke on a big bike with no shirt on. The West Hollywood Cheerleaders. Someone in assless chaps walking someone else on a dog collar. Right? You know who I’m talking about.

We get frustrated because these people don’t represent us gays – that is to say, they are not a typical representation of us. And yet, that is all the media will show on the evening news. Why? Because it’s the evening news and they specialize in the fringe, the salacious, the “other.” Pictures of my family marching down the street would not be voyeuristic and provocative enough – even had I dyed my Mohawk into a rainbow.

But also, these people are “us,” and can of course also be found in the straight community. Straights just don’t have this kind of parade where people can let their freak flag fly. If they did, we’d see the same cast of cool and interesting characters. Plus, these people don’t always dress like this. The dude on skates might be your accountant. That dyke on the bike is a surgeon. The guy in the dog collar works at Starbucks. Pride is the weekend when our community celebrates, and everyone celebrates differently. I got my hair done so my hawk would be tight. Someone else pulled out her “Vagitarian” t-shirt, which she only wears on this day each year. To each her own. Freak flags and all.

Anyway, the freakish fringe is no reason not to celebrate. Embrace it. If anything, our beloved freaks make the rest of us look regular and boring. Not such a bad thing for a community still struggling for acceptance within the broader mainstream.

This weekend, I proudly join hundreds of other people (gay, straight, and otherwise), service organizations, schools, police, sheriffs, firefighters, churches, temples, businesses, politicians, and the military to march 1.5 miles through the streets of San Diego in front of 200,000 onlookers for one purpose – to celebrate being gay or lesbian.

So, no, it’s not dumb or outdated to march in a Pride Parade. Maybe someday it will be unnecessary to have a parade showing the world that we celebrate being gay, but until then, march away!

It’s butch to be proud. Be Butch.

About Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

I am a butch. This blog is about what I think. If you do not know what butch means, you are probably on the wrong blog. In the interests of inclusion, though, I can tell you that “butch” means a lesbian that is big, strong, tough, more macho, less girly. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules – which is an ongoing theme in my blog (and in the comments), but those are the basics. A butch will most likely not wear makeup. A butch is often referred to as “sir” by someone who is not paying attention. What else? I am, after all, not just a butch. I am happily married to the most amazing woman ever, and the mother of two fantastic kids. I am also a lover of, in no particular order, beer, bow ties, breasts, movies, hiking, bookstores, travel, dogs, geocaching, polar bears, the gym, music, gadgets, and more. By day, I am an intrepid corporate entertainment lawyer. Although I try hard not to be labeled as such – sporting a bleached Mohawk, for example. Think more entertainment and less corporate. By night, bring it all on! In my blog, I talk about things from a butch perspective, but this is not just for butches. We all love our femmes. Please do not let me offend femmes, mine in particular! If you like what you read here, I hope you will comment and let me know what you think. If you do not like what you read, well, what the hell do I care? Start your own blog. Be Butch. View all posts by Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

21 responses to “Be Proud.

  • Bejai Higgins

    Your Butchness
    I was so sorry to miss the parade! For me its a chance to show my support (and Yes, Pride) at the community’s ability to stand up for themselves! The very first time we went my hubby was worried about what to wear (I suggested shorts and a t-shirt). As we waited on the steps for PFLAG to form up, some the more colorfully costumed guys walked by wearing only stragetically wrapped boas. My hubby dryly noted that Pride’s dress code was looser than he imagined and he should not have worried. LOL! When we turned the corner arm-in-arm with our Lesbian daughter, the crowd went wild. My hubby leaned in and asked who they were cheering for. “US” our daughter yelled over the roar. “Why” asked my hubby, “just be cause we love you??” “That and the fact that you are willing to stand up and declare that to the world” our daughter answered. We all cherish that memory!

    Like

  • Dr. Wise

    Fantastic!!!

    Like

  • CityButch

    Nice post… Also, be aware that it was, along with the LGBT folks who marched in the 1950’s and 1960’s, the “freakish” people in the 1960’s and 1970’s who were on the forefront of sexual liberation and pushed for acceptance. It was the butches and drag queens, the transfolks and the “effeminate men” who pushed through the doorway of the Stonewall Inn and out into the streets into riots that got Pride Parades started. Not only do we need to celebrate those that “let their freak fly”… they are why we are celebrating Pride and remembering Stonewall to begin with…

    Like

    • Butch Jaxon

      CityButch, yes! Thank you for adding that important historical perspective. I wanted to write about Stonewall, but was afraid my post was already too long for a blog. I am glad for your addition. Thank you. =:o)

      Like

  • Fabulous Mommy

    Our Pride march is in October. Last year I was so heavily pregnant I could have been mistaken for a float. I managed to march one block before a couple of Braxton Hicks contractions told me to sit the rest out.

    This year we are going with our boys, Angel Nanny, a friend who just outed himself at 43 (he is a priest so it is complicated), and ofcourse we’ll meet the usual suspects there in all their queer glory.

    Being pregnant was hard for me. I felt like an undercover lesbian. When you are knocked up people make a lot of assumptions about you. Mostly that you are straight and married. This year I’m going to show off the beautiful family Dear Wife and I made…and dammit I couldn’t be mote proud.

    Like

  • Stephanie

    Hey Butch, this is an amazing column! I lived in San Diego for several years a couple of decades ago…and OMG Iove the change. I worked with several gay people who all became friends, and who all had to hide who they were. The one brave guy who came out lost his job (ostensibly for a “reason” but clearly only due to his out-ness). Another guy became my closest friend and I am sad to say he died before he could see the progress (he had moved to SD because Phoenix was so impossible for him). Your column often makes me think (and laugh) and I SO appreciate your analysis of so many aspects of society. Thanks, Butch!!!!

    Like

    • Butch Jaxon

      Stephanie, things really have changed and continue to change for the better. I wish I could fast forward to the end, the good part, where we have equal rights under the law and in the minds of most people. Until then, we have to bear with the pace of change, don’t we? Feels so slow day to day, but when you look decade to decade it’s moving lightning fast. I’m glad to hear I make you laugh and think. Success! Thanks for your lovely comment. =:o)

      Like

  • Laurie

    Well-said.

    Like

  • Cirrus Riley Kain (@crileykain)

    So often too the straight folks watching the evening news circus forget that all their freaks are out every year for Burning Man and Mardi Gras, looking =/< anything you see at Pride. =)

    Like

  • Barbara

    I just found your blog thanks to @butchwonders on twitter. This is fabulous!

    Like

    • Butch Jaxon

      Dear Barbara, welcome! So glad to have you. ButchWonders is my favorite blogger. How lucky I am to have connected with BW and to have her support! I was one of her early guest bloggers. Thanks for reading my post! =:o)

      Like

  • Nicole Martin

    Hi,

    Volunteered for the first time this year to help set up for the Pride weekend, it was a great experience!! Marched in the parade last year with The LGBT Center.

    Thank-you so much for your thoughts on how the more outrageous parts get the most attention and the importance of embracing that too.

    Nic

    Like

  • loispercente

    Reblogged this on and commented:
    A wonderful piece on San Diego’s pride! Thanks Butch Jaxon, for the lovely writeup! LP

    Like

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