Is ButchOnTap one of the 25 Most Powerful Butches in America?

What does it mean to be one of the most powerful Butches in America?

Does it mean that women won’t freak out when I walk in the correct restroom? Does it mean that my friends will stop wondering why I don’t just dress a little more feminine if it’s so irritating? Does it mean that people at restaurants, coffee shops, drug stores, service counters, auto shops, and on planes will stop calling me “Sir”? Does it mean that I will magically have tons of customized clothing options when I walk into any of the shops I frequent? Does it mean that I will stop frustrating the occasional gay man who thought I was a man to hit on? Does it mean that I will have all of the book publishing world and Hollywood open to me to do some creating on a big scale?

Does it mean my amazing and stunning wife will love me more? Does it mean my kids will think I am any cooler? Does it mean my puppy will stop having accidents in the house? Does it mean my cat allergies will suddenly vanish? Will it reduce my cable guy service window?

The answer to all of these questions is a resounding and huge No. But, it would be hella cool.

When ButchWonders posted the poll this morning and invited the world to vote for the 25 Most Powerful Butches in America, I was excited. What a cool thing to see all those Butches (and in some cases, perceived Butches) listed. I mean, there are lots of us! Butches aren’t disappearing! And even better, we are starting to achieve more visibility. More visibility means more mental health. More comfort in daily life. More acceptance. It means kids can figure out they are Butch younger. Less stress. Less anxiety. Less why don’t I fit? Less badly dressed lesbians! (You are a Butch, feel free to shop in either the men’s or women’s department.)

I was also excited to be listed. Heh. But I got tripped up on whether I could ask y’all to vote for me. If I was powerful, wouldn’t everyone vote without being asked? Doesn’t it diminish it if I run around asking for votes?

Again, I think the answer is No.

I’ve done pretty well in life by asking for what I want. After all, I want to be powerful. With power comes the ability to change things. To get things done. With power, people are more likely to take your calls, listen to you. Isn’t it my responsibility to claim that power then? To take steps towards what I want? To help carry the banner for Butches everywhere?

I hope so. Please vote for me. You can vote for 10 of the people listed, so it’s not like I have to be the most powerful Butch you know… Just in your top 10. The poll closes Friday, so vote quickly.

I’ll still Be Butch regardless of the outcome of the poll. Making it won’t make me more Butch, nor will not making it mean I am less Butch. But, it’s Butch to ask for what you want. Vote for me and Be Butch with me.

The 16 Butchest Movies of All Time

Need a handy list of movies to watch? Want to make sure you can communicate with the Butch in your life? I’m here to serve. 

The following is my selection for the Butchest movies of all time, in no particular order. Obviously, this is because I am a Butch and clearly a movie expert. Lol. Add your favorites in the comments.

1. Terminator – When Ahhnold takes that biker’s clothes, boots, and shades. Also, biker boots crushing red roses and Linda Hamilton. 

2. Jaws – I mean, clearly we are going to need a bigger list. Er, boat.

3. Alien – Sigourney Weaver in a wife beater, dirty and sweaty taking on that Mama Alien. Yes!

4. Raiders of the Lost Ark – What Butch doesn’t want to be Professor Jones? Digging in the dirt? A whip and a pistol? I mean, come on!

5. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid – The name alone would get it mentioned here (plus, great movie).

6. Batman – Normal dude, tuxedos, tons of money, best toys ever. Catching bad guys. 

7. Any James Bond – All those gadgets, cars, women. Bow ties. British accent. 

8. Godfather – Meh. That’s right, I said meh. Then why include it? Ask any Butch you know. It must make the list.

9. Ace Ventura – Like a glove. 94 minutes of brilliance. 

10. Bad Boys – whacha gonna do when they come for you? Plus, a Shelby Cobra, and Tia Leone with a gun. 

11. Silence of the Lambs – it has Jodi foster in it, so we will excuse the senseless scariness. What are we? Rocks?

12. Die Hard – Yippeekaiyay mother f*cker!

13. Big Hero 6 – What? Go ahead. I dare you.

14. Charlie’s Angels – Um, hot girls? Car chases? Explosions? Drew Barrymore kicking ass?



15. Star Wars – Whether you identify with Han Solo, Luke, or Darth Vader, this is about as Butch as it gets. Sword fights (with lasers), talking robots, high tech vehicles of every kind, spectacular explosions, and … Princess Leia. Sigh.

16. Lord of the Rings – Epic adventure, fears of daring do, being underestimated and succeeding against all odds. 

Did I forget your favorite? Let me know!

It’s Butch to make lists. Be Butch. 

14 Problems Only Butches and Femmes Who Love Them Understand

Today, I read a great list of problems only Butch lesbians understand. I laughed out loud. Many of you also enjoyed the list, judging by the plethora of comments. The author captured many of my Butch problems, but I couldn’t help myself. I thought of a few more. And, as a Butch who loves Femmes, mine are a little different.

So, go read Lane Moore’s post in Cosmopolitan – of all places – and then please see my humble additions below. 

1. Drink Umbrellas. You really want a mixed drink (rather than beer) but are afraid of what will come in or on your drink.

 

2. Parent Night at School. When your kid’s classmates ask if you are the mom “because you look more like the dad.”

 

3. She Looks Better In Your Clothes Than You Do. Actually, never mind.

 

4. Suitcases at Airports. You want to carry your bag and hers, but it’s a little too awkward. Plus, there’s the whole caveman stereotype.

 

5. That’s My Job. A cool new piece of furniture or technology gets delivered and you’re looking forward to putting it together when your girl grabs a boxcutter and is excited to get started.

 

6. When Your Mom Says You Look “So Pretty.” Or should I say “handsome”? Oh, honey, you know what I mean. (I do, Mom. 😜)

 

7. Getting Dressed. In anything other than casual attire. Until you decide the men’s section isn’t off limits, anyway.

 

8. Giant Boobs. Seriously. Why is it is #Butches seem to have the biggest racks? Girls would pay good money for racks like ours. Also, see number 6.

 

9. Tiffany. Betty Sue. Rebecca. Did you ever notice the Butches in your life have the girliest names? It’s so unfair.

 

10. Engagement Rings. You’ve bought her one. She said yes! Wait, why don’t you have a ring? Aren’t you excited? Well, I am, but I don’t want that big diamond hanging off my finger. What a hazard!

 

11. Manicures. Cut or file?, the lady asks. Cut. How short? Really short. Immediately conversation in another language happens. Followed by laughter.

 

12. You Miss The Pre-Lipstick Kiss. Your wife put her lipstick on and you missed your kiss. It’s going to be a long night before you get another chance.

 

13. Selfies. Hers are coy, playful, and sexy. Yours look like these.

 

Sigh. And here’s one more, special for me.

 

14. Butch or Bitch? When your wife is British and the two words sound a lot alike. What did she just call me?

 

It’s Butch to share lists of the funny things you experience as a Butch. Be Butch. 

BOT’s Box: Mail Call!

Check out this amazing mail call I had today…

I received a stylish polo from Dapper D Fashions, a sassy postcard from Alpha Harlot, and this rad bow tie – skull and crossbones in wee Santa hats! I’m also particularly intrigued by a package I shall not describe just yet from Berman Innovations.

Thank you so much everybody!

Acceptable Butch Slang

We all know about pet names. You and your girl call each other all sorts of adorable things. But what do you call your friends? Your butch friends. Here’s a couple I see used frequently, but I’m not sure how cool they all are. There’s really only 2 or 3 I use here. I hope y’all will add some more.

1. Bud – This one never feels right for me. Maybe it’s too Fast Times at Ridgemont High for me. I realize this dates me, but I think that’s my point. It’s a bit old.

2. Buddy – Maybe for a friend who’s still in primary school. Otherwise, I say only if you’re drinking, like when you are helping each other out of the strip club “I love you, Buddy! Help me find my hotel.”

3. Brah – If you accompany it with the hang loose sign and you aren’t carrying a surfboard, you might be a tool. Otherwise, can be a good one.

4. Bro – Yes and no, right? Is that butch really your bro? Tread lightly. I use this with my bromance and it works (but he’s a dude, see below).

5. Dude – Widely acceptable. Danger of sounding like a college kid. Also, don’t you dare call a femme this.

6. Friend – safe, familiar. Seems more popular with people from the Midwest.

7. Man – Obviously.

8. Pal – Fine if you are in your sixties. Hey pal, want to watch the Golden Girls with me?

What other names do you call your friends?

It’s Butch to have butch friends. I don’t have enough. Be Butch.

Touch Your Lips, Hold Our Gaze & Other Femme Tactics

In my last post, I wrote about my own frustration in finding our beloved femmes when geography isn’t the roadmap. This post generated more likes, comments, retweets and shares than most. Apparently, our femmes are even more frustrated than I am.

Yikes! Butches, they are throwing themselves at you (not me, I would notice), and still being ignored or dismissed by you (not me, I never ignore a femme). And, they are pissed. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for a lovely femme to head out for the evening all gorgeous and femme-like and to have no butch even talk to her because they’ve dismissed her as straight. Argh.

I asked these Femmes what were their best moves for being noticed by us. Below are the most popular strategies they shared. Butches: take note! Femmes: perhaps you can incorporate a new move from your femme sisters.

1. Longer Than Polite Eye Contact

Gaze at your Target Butch (“TB”). Bat your lovely mascara’d eyelashes at her. Be sure you make eye contact and hold her gaze for a moment longer than normal.

Note to make sure you smile; you don’t want to appear to be staring in disgust or judgement. You don’t want to get lumped into that probably large basket of folks who gawk or stare at the TB (including me, as I definitely get this one).

2. Stare, Smile, Stare

This one particularly caught my attention. The play is to make eye contact with the TB, smile, look down and then look back up at her. Meow. If she’s watching, it sounds pretty powerful – it will work on me for sure. How about you?

3. Arm Touching, Leg Grazing, Hair Pulling

Touch the TB’s arm with little excuse, like laughing at her joke or something she’s said. Depending on the forum, (like sitting at a bar) you might touch her thigh – sending a laser signal to her. Basically, the message is if a femme can find a reason to touch the TB, she should do so. TB: Pay Attention! If she touches you, there’s probably something more there.

One femme even admitted pulling her TB’s hair. She’s a stylist so there was a good excuse, but still… Take me home!

4. Appropriate Stalking

Shop, get coffee, check out books, drop off your bike for repairs when TB is working. Also, work out when she does, join a group she likes. Sure it’s stalking, but in an entirely appropriate way. The hope is that the sheer number of sightings and contacts will wake the TB, and us in general, up.

5. Rainbows & Unicorns

Wear a visible one somewhere: bracelet, ring, necklace, cell phone case (make a call), sticker on your car. Unless you drive a Subaru, then no sticker needed.

Several lamented the need to tattoo “FEMME” on their foreheads. Sigh. Would be such a shame to mar those lovely faces. Now, you could tattoo that in a few other places and I think that would be just fine…

Where was I? Oh yes, number 6.

6. Hello! Outright Flirting

Plenty of Femmes said this was necessary and that it works. Apparently, we are dumb as posts at times, and the sure fire way is to say hello and give your number or ask her for coffee.

The answer is yes, by the way, I’d love to have coffee.

7. Drop the L Word

Say something lesbian or gay. Drop that subtle hint. Did you see that Portia has new hair? How about the President’s speech – go gays! Or I was just reading this cool butch blog the other day…

Super obvious way to signal you are lesbian, and thus a femme. That is, unless TB mistakes you for a supportive straight. Perhaps it’s best to pair this one with any other strategy to minimize the possibility of confusion on TB’s part. Remember, we have slightly more testosterone (sounds right even if it’s not) and that makes us dumber. Plus, you are pretty so we can’t concentrate.

8. The Hair Tuck

Find an opportune moment, preferably whenTB is looking, and tuck your lovely hair behind your lovely ear. This will draw TB’s attention to your ear and neck, encourage noticing of the hair/face/eyes/neck. All good things.

If possible, do it with your hand that sports a rainbow bracelet or ring. If not, do it while holding the TB’s gaze. Now, we’re off to the races.

9. Secret Handshake

We need a signal. Something secret that we all can recognize. If this blog were popular enough, I might be doing some real good here by suggesting this. But, it’s not. Who cares? Let’s agree on a signal for us cool kids.

Touching the side of your nose? Too Santa.

Winking? Too BBC and Benny Hill.

Hair flipping (which is different from the hair tuck)? Too common, hot though. Please feel free to do this liberally.

Sticking your tongue out? Too forward and could be embarrassing.

The Macarena? Too 90’s

How about brushing your lips with your two forefingers briefly (like Quentin is doing below)? That’s subtle enough not to stand out to any Muggles who happen to see, but just sexy enough to catch our attention. Certainly, it would catch my attention. It’s worth a shot! Even if TB doesn’t know the signal, touching your lips is usually hot, so where’s the downside?

And lastly, I note one butch’s comment… Hit on whoever you are attracted to. If she’s not a femme, fine. Her point is men don’t care if their target woman is gay, they make a move. Women flirt without knowing if a guy is gay or straight. Why the extra burden on ourselves? The world is our oyster, Butches.

See her, flirt with her. Done. She’ll either be open to it or not. If not, she’s likely to be flattered. As long as you’re not flirting with Michelle Bachmann or anyone at a Republican or conservative church gathering, there’s probably pretty low risk.

For another look into how us Butches see this dilemma, check out this blog over at CardCarryingLesbian.

It’s butch to let us Butches know you’re interested, lovely Femmes. Be Butch.